Mga kwentong nakalipas

Naglalakad ako pauwi nang Makita ko siya. May hawak siyang lata nang beer at dala dala ang kanyang walang kamatayan na Chivas Regal na backpack na bigay sa kanya ng tatay nya. Tiningnan ko siyang mabuti at naaninag ko sa kaniyang mukha na mayroong gumugulo sa kanya kaya inakbayan ko siya.

"Me problema ka?"

"Ha? Wala naman. Inom tayo?"

Ayun. Alam ko na. May problema itong si patricia. Sa tinagal tagal ba naming magkakilala eh nalaman ko na mula sa pintig ng boses nya kung meron siyang iniisip na di maalis sa utak nya.
Tito niya si Tatang, tanda ko pa nung una ko siyang nakilala. Pero di ito ang panahon para ikwento iyon, leche.

"Tara, dun tayo sa suking tindahan Pat."

Nilakad naming kahit malayo ito. Sabi nga lagi ni Tatang sa amin, mas masarap ang maghirap muna bago magtagumpay dahil ito ay ang magbibigay kahulugan sa iyong pagkamit ng tagumpay at ginhawa sa buhay.

"Ate, dalawang red horse nga."

"Uhmmm. Ginhawa nito Kel. Pero lasang softdrinks talaga ito."
"Haha. Dahan-dahan lang ang inom ha, baka mamaya sumobra ka, alam kung problemado ka ngayon." Tinitigan ko sya at sinabi patukso, "Wag kang magalala, kasya naman tayong dalawa sa kama ko eh."

"Eh kung pakain ko kaya sayo sapatos ko??"

Sumimangot siya ngunit maya-maya ay ngumiti na sakin. Malumanay na ang boses nya nung sinabi niya

"Salamat ha, alam mo na pala."

"So, ano problema natin?"

"Naghihirap ako ngayon sa UST, nagkakagaguhan na yung mga kaklase ko. Ay mali, ako pala ginagago nila."

"Bakit daw?" aking tanong sa kanya.

"Ang alam ko, di nila ako gusting kasama kasi daw masyado daw akong kakaiba. Kung anu-ano na daw yung sinasabi ko bigla tapos di ko pa gusto yung gusto nila. Pop culture kasi sila masyado eh poota kahit kelan eh isusuka't isusuka ko yung basurang iyon."

"Tama yan. Inggit rin ako sayo kasi may pagkakataon kang ipaglaban ang paniniwala mo, para ka tuloy bayani. Wag na wag kang makikibagay dahil ang mga taong katulad mo na nagpupumilit na ang mundo ang umayon sa kanila ang batayan ng pagunlad ng mundo."

"Nak 'nang san mo nanaman nabasa yan Kelvin?"

"Wala, naisip ko lang. Basta ang isipin mo, wala silang identity dahil sunud-sunuran lang sila ng isa't isa."

"Kaya nga eh. Pare-pareho silang trip, ewan ko ba kung gusto nilang talaga yung ginagawa nila."

"Mga conformists na kasi ang karamihan ng tao ngayon eh."

Tumigil muna ako sa pagsasalita at lumagok ng alak. Pagkatapos ako'y tumitig sa kanya at sinabi,

"kelangan me lider sila, o yung magbubuhat ng bangko at ilalahay ang sarili niya bilang lider. Ngayon, yung lider nay un, kung ano ang gagawin niya eh dapat yun din ang gagawin nung lahat nung miyembro nung super cool ultimate to the highest level grupo nila?"

"Aahahaha tangina nakakatawa yun ha"

"Wag kang magulo, di pa ako tapos, patapusin mo ko habang lasing pa ko! Alam mo naming tumatalino ako kapag lasing ako"

"Sige kel, banat lang!" sinabayan niya ito ng toast sa beer ko at uminom.

"Well, to continue, yung lider nay un eh ang gagawin dun sa mga ayaw sumunod sa mga ginagawa niya o yung mga nararamdaman niyang di deserving para maging miyembro nila eh binabakstab muna nila, ngayon pag nakahalata na yung taong binakstab nila o nagsawa lang sila, ipagpalagay natin, eh gagawin sa siyang outcast."

"Ay Kelvin, kuhang-kuha mo Dati kasi dahil sa kagaguhan ko, pero first sem first year pa yun, eh nakibarkada ako sa taong di ko gusto dahil pinagtitiisan ko lang talaga sila. Kasi wala pa naman akong masyadong kakilala dun sa mga kaklase ko. Akala ko kasi me pinagkaiba sila at inisip ko pa na malalim silang magisip. Yun pala, dahil gino-glorify nang lipunan ang superficiality kesa sa aktwal na intellectual capacity, eh tinago pala nila yung utak nila sa kung saan at nakalimutan nila kung saan nila tinago. Kasi tanga sila eh."

"Ano ka ba Pat, kelangan mong maintindihan na di lahat ng tao eh kasing talino mo!"

"Woooow! Let's drink to that Kelvin!!!"

"O eto para sa tunay na pagibig!"

"Yaki kadiri ka Kelvin!"

Nanahimik kaming sandali habang dumadaan ang malamig na alak sa aming mga lalamunan. Sandali kong nahuli ang kanyang mga mata at ngumiti nanaman siya sakin.

"Basta pat, ang payo ko sayo, wag kang matakot gawin ang gusto mo. Buhay mo iyan, ikaw ang magsisisi kapag me pinalampas kang pagkakataon."

Tumingin siya sa malayo at nagisip nang malalim. Halos naririnig ko na nga ang pagikot ng mga piyesa sa utak niya, ngunit baka yun yung tunog ng makinilya sa kabilang bahay. Ewan ko lang. Maya-maya ay nagyayaya na siyang umalis.

"Kel salamat ha. Pag kelangan mo ko, tawag ka lang sa bahay."

"Ok lang yun. Andito naman ako palagi para sayo. Kaya lang wala kang maasahang reply sakin sa cellphone kong walang load, diretso ka nalang sa bahay, welcome ka palagi dun."

Sobrang tamis ng kanyang mga ngiti. Di naman siya ganun dati pero nararamdaman ko na ilang beses na nyang balak tapusin ang kaniyang paghihirap sa mundong ito sa pamamagitan ng pagpapatiwakal. Lagi ko siyang inilalayo sa ideyang ito ngunit di ko rin malaman ang tunay na laman ng damdamin niya. Pareho nga kami, dahil minsan na rin akong nangarap na putulin ang koneksyon ko sa mundong ito. Ang paghihirap.

Walang nakakaintindi sa mga takbo ng ideya sa kaniyang utak. Basta nalang itong lumalabas, pumipirmi at naglalaho. Naiintriga ako sa kanya at sa tingin ko ito ang rason kung bakit patuloy kaming nagsasama at nagkakabuklod.

Mahirap ang buhay naming dalawa. Pareho ngunit magkaibang-magkaiba ang buhay naming dalawa. Sumasalungat kami sa agos ng tadhana na minsan na rin kaming pinagtagpo. Pareho kaming sugatan sa aming pagbangga sa mga batong nakaharang sa aming dadaanan ngunit kami ay di matitinag, winasak naming silang lahat na nakaharang sa aming patutunguhan.

Inaalay ko ito kay Patricia Narciso at sa mga taong katulad naming dalawa. Nawa'y magpatuloy siya, ako at ang mga taong may matibay na paninindigan na ipaglaban ang kanilang mga paniniwala.

The magnitude of one's outburst is never proportional to the perceived cause

It was a close call. I almost went amok on that very simple, simple remark but it was executed with an annoying edge on his voice. "Ang nipis, sarap baliin". I should've replied "Would you like me to kindly break your neck?"

To think of it, it might pass as a simple thought spoken aloud, maybe accidentally, but he was currently under observation because of the sudden reversal of his demeanor towards me. He suddenly smiles with such sweetness that I can only conclude that he's gay. It was also followed with the opening of the lines of communication between me and another arch-enemy. I would've preferred them as my sworn enemies than some stupid people snucking up to me and trashing me behind my back. It doesn't matter anyway if they don't talk to me, their intelligence does not come up to scratch the floor of my thinking.

I was surrounded. I was wrong to think of what would become of my image. I should've not let him step on my most Regal and Sublime Personality. I was wrong to think that they could ever like someone so ugly, someone so demented, someone so troubled and someone so different. Me and their so-called "group" belong to very different planes of thought. I belong to the isolationism school of thought while they belong to the interdependency herd school of thought. One can't exist without the other. A proof of this would be that instance this morning. It went like:

Noy: San kayo magbibihis?
Guy: Ewan ko, san ba kayo magbibihis? (referring to his "group")
Me: (To noy) Tol kung ano ang gusto mong gawin, gawin mo!

Shit. One can't even think alone. If I were to include him in my Empire, I am to assign him the task of the royal dishwasher of my minions. It would be quite an act of mercy considering what I have in store for others who have inflicted unjust discrimination on my persona. You will bleed, at the time you least expect it. Idiots.

AT Field Destruction and Interaction

Negative (destructive)

The destruction of an AT Field is a task impossible without another AT Field. Although neutralize would be a better description of the process, the word destroy does apply to a number of incidences. Along with destruction, there is another manner of negative AT Field interaction - nullification.

Neutralization

The neutralization of the Angel's AT Field is always the first priority during battle. This is necessary only when the Angel is generating a defensive field. The neutralization process occurs when two fields are in contact. For one field to neutralize the other, it must eliminate the phase space between the two.

Destruction

The destruction of an AT Field is not necessary to destroy the Angel. After being neutralized, a field is susceptible to physical damage. In the Fourteenth Angel, the field is cut open to expose the Angel's body. The nearly simultaneous destruction of an AT Field is observed in when Unit 01 hits the Fourteenth Angel with an offensive AT Field projection. The Angel's field remains solid for a second before shattering. It is interesting to note, however, that the Angel had already fallen before its AT Field did. This occurrence indicates that while part of the offensive projection interacted with the AT Field, another part was completely unaffected by its presence. This event (along with others) indicates that there is a third type of AT Field interaction.

Nullification

The nullification process is one of the rarer types of AT Field interaction. During nullification, an AT Field (or AT Field derivative) can pass through another AT Field without being affected. The first occurrence of this is seen in the above mentioned interaction between Unit 01's offensive projection and the Fourteenth Angel's defensive AT Field.
AT Field nullification also occurs in another strange manner - the deconstruction of a human body. First observed when a subject was dissolved into LCL, the true first occurrence of deconstruction was the accident that claimed UNIT 01 breaking her body down and releasing her spirit to be absorbed into the EVA. The final and most massive deconstruction is the Instrumentality, in which the bodies of the entire human race are reverted to LCL. The Instrumentality is created by the Anti-AT Fields of the mass produced EVAs; by this, nullification is dependent upon certain characteristics held by an Anti-AT Field.

Positive (constructive)

There are only two times that the positive AT Field interaction is seen. The first is the formation of the Tree of Life by the nine mass produced EVAs and Unit 01. Their AT Fields complement one another and begin the Third Impact by creating a massing shockwave that pulls the Black Moon free of the Earth. The second time happens moments later when the nine EVAs, along with Lillith, combine their AT-Fields into one - creating the massive Anti-AT Field that starts Instrumentality.

The AT Field

The Absolute Terror Field (AT Field)

AT fields can be generated by any organism possessing a soul or a sentient consciousness. They are directly influenced and are affected by their source and can be manipulated in a number of ways. They are also the key to the Third Impact and the Human Instrumentality Program.

A. Types of AT Fields

1. Latent - This is the most basic AT field. All sentient life forms possess this type but this is rarely noticed. The AT field is what holds the material body of an organism and the consciousness together thus, it also plays a role in the morphogenetics of humans. It can be described by this formula:

AT Field + LCL quantity = Physical Entity (with soul)

The latent AT Field is the basis for all other types of AT Fields. When manifested, the AT Field can act as a defensive barrier, an offensive weapon and as a tool to affect other AT Fields in the area. Usually AT Fields do not become visible unless they are actively engaged in something - such as collision with matter, energy and other AT Fields.

1A. Types of Latent AT Fields

1.1 Defensive - When activated, the defensive field will distort the space around it, creating a barrier. The field doesn't become visible until it is hit with by an attack, at which point the standard octagonal fluctuations in the field can be seen.

1.2 Offensive - the offensive AT Field is the extension of a latent field in an aggressive manner. The offensive field can take on a couple of forms - either as a projection of the latent AT Field, or as a warping of the defensive AT Field.

2. Anti-AT Field - the Anti-AT Field plays an important role in the Instrumentality. These specialized fields can only be created with the aid of an S2 unit. The mass produced models' S2 engines go critical and their intertwined AT Fields merge with Lillith's into a singular Anti-AT Field. The purpose of this field is to counteract the AT Fields of the human race and reduce their bodies to LCL - from which their individual souls can be extracted.

Blood Types

The phrase blood type refers to the individuality of a specified AT Field and is identified by colors. Some AT Fields are stronger than others - compare a human's with an Angel's and you'll get the idea. There are several colors, each (apparently) having its own characteristics.
Red: Used mainly by Angels.
Blue: Reserved for Angels, blue is one of the more common colors.
Orange: Angel specific blood type.
Green: Human (enhanced by EVA) specific blood type.
Sepia: Human specific type. Sepia is the brown color seen in photo effects. This appears only during the Destrado process.

Gloomy Sunday

This is the so called hungarian suicide anthem. Many people quoted the passages of this song in their suicide letters so it came to be called as such. Used to be a favorite of mine but sometimes, I still feel the urge to listen to it. Dont read this if you are depressed.

Sunday is gloomy, the hours are slumberless
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where that dark coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?
Gloomy Sunday... Gloomy is Sunday, with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be prayers and candles are lit, I know
Let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is a dream, for in death I'm carresing you
With the last breath of my soul, I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday... Dreaming- I was only dreaming
I awake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart, here-
Darling, I hope that my dream hasn't haunted you
My heart is telling you how much I wanted you Gloomy Sunday...
It's absolutely gloomy Sunday... Sunday...

The turbulence has passed. All I can do is wait for the next one.

1:02 AM. Staring at the computer screen, trying to organize my thoughts. I'm trying not to rant off into oblivion but here it goes.
A couple of hours ago, I was in a debut of a person I barely know. A couple of hours ago I was filled with hatred of a person I can't stand. A couple of hours I laghed at them, for so shallow their minds they can't even grasp the concept of respect and the correct ettiquete. A couple of hours ago, a girl even had the most wildest idea that I liked her, stupid girl. Can't you see??? I don't have time for the love that is in your mind. Go watch some insipid chick flick and leave me alone.

1:06 AM. Still thinking of what to write.
Oh yeah. I'm trying to write a book. Actually, it's just a compilation of various literary works that I've written over the years. But it might not be ready for I have to still refine my literary technique. Still, I have not decided on my literary style so that I would be distinct on the field. But most of my written works express a lot of hate and revulsion towards what is now recognized as good. Therefore bad is sometimes good for me for it is the only thing different and independent in this society.

On other matters, life ranges from mediocre to bad. I am really being forced to endure people I dont like. I can't wade in knee deep shit and not to crinkle my nose from the smell, even if some people can like... uhmm let's not talk about him/her(?). I usually don't mingle with people because I am an antisocial freak. Actually, I like being called a weird person because it proves to me that they view me distinct and different from their herd. I'd rather be singled out than to do something that I don't like.

University life is, as usual, bland and insipid. I still can't see any reason why I should continue to study this course because I really think that I made a mistake in the selection of my course. Comerce students don't usually have time in the stimulation of the mind for they are rational. But I consider myself irrational and therefore; able to think up weird even crazy to the sacrilegious ideas. I should've taken an AB course like philo or journalism so that my mind will not stagnate.

1:20 AM uhmm... gotta drink some coffee.... I'm shivering already from caffeine deprivation.
The turbulence has passed. All I can do is to prepare for the next one.

Ang katahimikan bago ang bagyo

Ayan. Malapit na ang prelims.

Actually, sa wednesday na, dapat nagaaral na ko kaya lang nainspire ako bigla, dahil sa lumalagong grupo ng mga tagahanga sa aking mga akda. Mabuhay kayong lahat.

Ang hirap ng lagay ko kasi ngayon. Napakabilis kasi ng takbo ng oras sakin. Fleetingly attainable ang lahat ng bagay dahil di ako katulad ng ibang tao na linear ang galaw ng oras. Ang oras ko pabalik-balik, umiikot, maraming detour at minsan overdrive pa. Tumigil lang ako minsan para magisip tinutulak na ko ng mga tao sa likod ko at sumisigaw "Bumalik ka na sa mundo tol!!!". Ang hirap, lahat kasi ngayon expected sayo magagawa ang lahat ng expectations sayo. Masyado na kasing marami ang mga preconcieved notions sa mundong ito. Puta, makita ka lang ng isang beses, makasama ka ng ilang ulit, me kumpleto na silang character makeup at profile mo! Feeling close na me gana ka pang gaguhin.

Oo, Ito ang katahimikan bago ang bagyo. Malapit na akong magwala, ilabas ang aking tunay na natatagong lakas at talento. Kung akala nyo na hanggang dito nalang ako, nagkakamali kayo. Marami pa akong sikreto na di nailalabas.

Matahimik ang lahat ngayon ngunit malapit na akong mapuno sa mga kagaguhan na pinapakain sakin. Eh ako naman, minsang ginusto na mapabilang sa taong di ko naman gusto pero for the sake of decency, kinain ko naman. Kaya ngayon sawang sawa na ako. Pero alam ko naman na kelangan kong magtimpi pero lumampas lang sila sa linya, di ako magaalinlangan. Isasaksak ko ang bolpen ko sa lalamunan nila. Subukan nyo ko, di ko kayo aatrasan.

Prejudice. Kalaban ko ito simula nang ako ay pumasok sa kolehiyo. Pero kadalasan kapag nagsalita na ako, nawawala ito. Well, kung naintindihan mo mga sinabi ko. Kaya ngayon, pakiramdam ko me aura ako eh. Malayo palang kasi ako naglalayuan na mga tao.

Well ok lang naman, medyo antisocial naman akong tao eh. Walang mawawala sakin.
Mga gago wala akong pinariringgan ha, baka ano nanaman isipin nyo.

They longed for the touch of their lips and thus, invited their kisses

An observation - I recently acquired a copy of Ang manunulat, a publication of St. Scholastica and I observed that persons coming from exclusive schools are uhmm, how do I say this? Yeah. They are always talking about their lovelife. Even in our school, Don Bosco, I observed that they are so obsessed with girls. Well, me, being the eternal stranger, don't care.

Okay. I admit it. I cared for about a year but when I stepped into third year, it's like being submerged in alcohol. I forgot about it altogether and since then, continued to dislike the current standards most girls take into consideration. They seem to have forgotten the most important thing in a human being. That is the manner on how he thinks. I don't know but people seem to take for granted the intellectual capacity of a person. Most of the time, when people introduce someone, the first question that comes into mind is "Maganda/gwapo ba siya?" It is so alarming that these times have come to pass.

***

Another thing is that the pop-culture songs and the literature it advertises is mostly crap. It utilizes easy to understand and shallow lyrics. It mostly tells about love which is one thing I hate because the corporations have taken what is good, covered it in some glitzy wrapper and sold it back to us.

It is like buying raw materials from the Philippines at a low price, making bags and shoes out of it and exporting it to us and the price has ballooned into an exhorbitant one. It's all about money nowadays.

Sorry but I consider myself mentally unstable, prone to the creative and divine fluctuations of the intellect that helps me produce these words. You may not understand these but one day, it will dawn unto you that I am a lone voice shouting an important message. IDENTITY

A villager in the 16th Century

Why do you like being so mushy? What is with love that constantly holds your mind? Or is it that your mind holds a oversimplified aspect of love because you cannot comprehend it's true scope and meaning? What is it to you? You spoil the images of those who love truly, those who do not prefer to make trumped-up stories of pleasure and enjoyment. It's all about suffering. Love in the face of suffering shows what it truly is and in the face of these commitment-threatening and evan life threatening situations will you come to comprehend the true meaning of that icky little thing you call love.

First of all, you can't know love for you don't know suffering. You avoid it, therefore you grow weak. Suffering as an expression of love is expressed wholly by the Grand Divine and Sublime Lord of our Salvation. Secondly, your mind is polluted by the commercialized philosophies that the media sells to you! You don't even notice it because your mind rejects the possibility of making your own. Deviating from the "universal" idea of love might make you an outcast and therefore be like me. In the outcast part I mean. I may be alone but I know that I am happy because I dwell in the most sweet tranquility in my isolation. Also, my beliefs are my own, I can proudly say that. After 4 years of being a frustrated suicidal and rediscovering your life again, you will learn something for sure.

Just get away from me, go live your own life in stagnation, I don't care. It is not my life anyway. Not my mind we are talking about

Ang leksyon ng dalawang kabayo

"Boy, meron dating dalawang magkapatid, nagaaway sila kaya binigyan sila ng tatay nila ng dalawang kabayo na magkaaway. Sabi nung tatay nila, kapag napagbati nila yung dalawang kabayo eh ibibigay niya sa kanila yun."

"Eh tatang ano naman ginawa nila?"

"Ang ginawa nung bunso eh tinali yung dalawang kabayo tapos hinagupit yung kabayong lumalaban.
Pero di pa rin tumigil ang pagaaway ng mga kabayo."

"Ang lupit naman niya ho tatang."

"Kaya nga eh... Inulit ulit nya yun, hanggang sa mapagod na sya ng kakapalo. Ayaw nyang pasubukin yung kuya nya. Gusto nya kasi kaniya yung dalawang kabayo."

"Ano nang nangyari sa storya tatang?"

"Ngayon sumuko na yung kapatid nya. Kaya yung kuya ang ginawa, pinakawalan nya yung dalawang kabayo sa isang lambak."

"Eh di nakatakas sila tatang?!"

"Hindi. Para yung lambak ng walang pagibig sa Condor Heroes, kala ko ba nanonood ka nun?"

"Ah ganun ba yun tatang. Pati pala kayo nanonood nun"

"Ang lupit ng fight scenes eh. Nakakaaliw."

"Ano na nga pala nangyari dun sa kabayo tatang?"

"Ah. Ngayon nung kinagabihan pagkatapos pakawalan nung kuya yung dalawang kabayo, nagdisguise siya bilang isang lobo tapos tinakot nya yung dalawang kabayo."

"Waw napaka unconventional naman nung method nya... Ang galing din nya. Ano nang nangyari tatang?

"Ayun, Dahil sa natakot yung dalawang kabayo, natuto silang maging interdependent at umasa sa isa't isa. Pagkatapos, narealize nung dalawang magkapatid yung kanilang pagkakamali at binigay naman nung kuya yung isang kabayo sa nakababata niyang kapatid."

"Tama kayo tatang. Give and take dapat para masaya. Sige next time, kayo naman manlilibre ng inom natin tatang ha?"

"Sure boy. Akin din ang pulutan."

Natandaan ko ang aming paguusap ni tatang. Tama nga naman ito at minsan sa mga pagkakataon na dehado ka saka mo lamang makikita ang mga taong talagang mapagkakatiwalaan mo at tunay na maasahan. Bakit kaya ganun ang tao diba? Kelangan pang masaktan para matuto, para magkabuklod-buklod.

Masyado nang maraming taong di na marunong manindigan ngayon. Di mo malaman kung saang cirkulo talaga nabibilang, kung saang nagkandaleche-lecheng mga lugar nila natutunan yung kanilang malulupit na teknik. Ano bang "School of thought" ninyo? basta ako, Neo-Armageddon Evangelist!

I have just watched an epic and didn't realize it until it was finished.

I caught Genghis Khan on ABC5 exactly 26 minutes ago, and at first, I criticized the phony sets, the ugly actors and the word gritty which actually sums up everything visual in the movie.

But what was tremendous is that there was a profound expression of a mother's love for her son. Ghengis' mother here was portrayed as a woman who would do everything and even insane things for her sons. One scene which touched me deeply was where she even killed a wolf singlehandedly so that her sons would have something to eat. She has no regard for anything that might happen to her but for her sons, she would lose herself and see only her objective.

I don't know if this film was historically accurate but it portrayed the Genghis Khan as someone who would do anything for her mother. He was a man who was constantly fighting himself because he wouldn't want to express love for the fear that he would be somehow inferior in the face of the war he was waging infront of his enemies. Near the very end, he said that he had finally defeated himself.
In the very end, man's greatest enemy is not another man, nature or other external forces but man himself. Because you can't escape the reality because the reality is you. You can't kill it because you will risk self-destruction and you can't really fill the void in your life until you have realized what was wrong. Sometimes, to see the truth, one must look through the eyes of others and in this film, that was the eyes of his wife.

I recommend this film for all although it features violence and graphic bloodshed.

Ang lumilipad na orasan

Tila parang kailan lang nung ako ay masayang nakatayo sa harap ng burger king at nagaabang ng kahihinatnan ng taon na ito. Parang kailan lang nung matanggap ko ang unang bagsak kong papel sa stat. Para ring kailan lang nung ako ay umuwing hilo at masakit ang katawan dahil sa hirap sumakay sa me city hall.
Ang bilis. At ngayon, eto nanaman ang mga panahon ng pagsisisi, ng mga panahon ng matinding pagaaral at mga pangako ng mabuting pagaaral at paglayo sa bisyo dahil dehado na ang lagay mo at kelangan mong magconcentrate. Nagsisisi ka dahil hindi ka nagaral, dahil sa ngayon mo lang naintindihan ang mahirap na leksyon na itinuturo ng guro mo at nung naintindihan mo eh nalaman mo na napakadali lang at halos iumpog mo ang ulo mo sa pader dahil dito.

Di mo na rin masisisi yun eh. Marami din namang ibang mga bagay na dapat mong isaalangalang sa paghahanap mo ng kabuluhan sa mga ginagawa mo ngayon. Marami ring mga pagkakataon na minsan mong naipagpalit ang mali sa tama dahil lamang sa di mapipigilan na mga pangyayari kagaya ng galit at kalungkutan.
Ang bilis ng panahon. Halos di ko na rin makita ang sarili ko dahil sobrang bilis ng mga bagay na gumagalaw sa aking paligid. Ngayon, ito ang oras na aking ilalaan para tumigil at titigan ang aking sarili at huwag munang sumabay sa agos ng tadhana ko.

In short, lalabas ako at magkakape with matching oxygen.
At one o'clock in the morning.

First try ko lang tong gumawa ng poem, sensya na..

Are you still here?

You do not exist.
The masses pass by feigning concern
Then turn their back to you
As if you weren’t there.


You spend everyday waiting for recognition
Waiting for the first flicker of light
Into the void of your despair

Indifferent people fill the city with shadows
But do not let yourself become part of the shadows
Scream, rage and torment!
Strike the citadel’s walls of mediocrity
Do not disappear without a word, a parting shot


It may be futile but take comfort
That you have never lain down to take it all
Let them know that you are yourself. Here. Now.
Is anyone out there?
Can you hear me?

Constancy vs. Change

Change. This is one of the subjects we have talked about while we were out drinking at the accursed parking lot yesterday night. What kind of life have you lived if you were not to change the world with your ideas and philosophies! Therefore we promised, may the red horse cans be our witness, we will change the system of this already stagnant world!

It seems impossible but I know that we can do it. By teaching our glorious doctrines, we will influence others and be a model of change. Through them we will have a what I call "Progressive Echo Effect". It means, theoretically, an action a, if applied with the right force and angle n, will affect the mass directly or preferrably progressively proportional to the units applied.

If executed properly, it will produce a triangle effect, where each unit affected will in turn will effect a unit more than the preceeding number of the units before it.
This will be our master formula for changing the world.

Effective Immediately

Due appreciation appreciated!

At last, there was someone there who gave due appreciation to my work. Me, being mostly unnoticed, didn't care for what is important for me is that I do what I want to do in this world but it really still feels good to be appreciated.

How I wish that other youth will be able to discern what message I am expressing, to open other minds to the injustice that the world is doing to them and yet they laugh; for they perceive this as goodness. They have been desensitized through the repetitive media and the urge to be ordinary.

I am a lone voice shouting a call to arms, against the injustice, the screening of eyes towards untruth, for revenues and a plea for mediocrity!

Why can't you see this? Open your eyes! Open your eyes!

Thanks anyway, you know who you are...

Decree # 8540

DECREE # 8540

As your master, I decree that you obey me at all times. You are not allowed to denounce my name in any way or to release any information that will result to my ruin.
You will also be with me at all times. This will facilitate the quick implementation of my orders.
This decree also sets the assimilation of your unlimited resources to satisfy my unlimited wants. You are not allowed, in any way, to have no money and to spend it in ways I don’t approve.
Being my most loyal slave, I order you to be a commercialized person. I require you to follow all the latest trends in fashion, wear the most expensive perfume and to act like the most loyal servant that you are. What will others say of a master that has a poor man as a slave?
I also require you to follow all the latest trends that the media advertises. You will say all the cool words they create, talk the talk of a sophisticated youth, and watch the insipid shows even if it destroys your already short attention span. I will personally supervise in your makeover, seeing that you had bastards for friends last year.
You are also required to accompany me in watching the very cool movies that I watch like the cool love stories that is the trend today. It is an unspoken agreement that you would shoulder all the expenses.
You are required to sever all the connections from your former friends. I will now introduce your true friends, and those are my friends. Your former friends are losers and they are constantly talking about things that I can’t understand. You can use all your available tactics like backstabbing, splitting up and then specifying an unknown rendezvous point and image corruption.
However, you are not allowed to speak to so-not-cool persons. They might denounce my most grand name but never believe in them for they are only jealous that I chose you to serve the most beautiful person to ever walk this earth. They are denouncing my name just to make you leave me and take your place as my Most Loyal Slave.
You are not allowed to read or watch materials that are beyond mine and my friends’ comprehension. You are not allowed to show off your knowledge, making me look like a stupid master. You are not allowed to show your skills which are surely inferior compared to your Most Majestic and Most Great Master.
There is only one loser standing in our way, his name is so disgusting that I will only refer to him as “don”. He seeks revenge because of the instances that we had hurt his poor little icky feelings. He is surely a weirdo for he was not raised up by his parents correctly. He also listens to mind numbing music for I don’t like it. I mostly prefer mymp and other pop songs but “don” wants some unknown bands. What is he up to? I can’t understand why he is so independent from us. In the beginning, I thought that he only wants to be one of our “special group” but I concluded that since he is too weird to be one of us, he should be a social outcast. He is to be banished from our place for everything about him is social suicide. Never ever be like him for he has broken every rule of our organization which is specified below:
The law of uniformity (his decisions are very different from mine!)
The law of common desires (he is very different from me!)
The Unspoken Law (he does not know this)
The law of eternal tolerance (he sparks up violently when provoked)
The law of zero remonstration (he always protests on my will)
The full wallet law (he does not have money)
The preference law (he chooses weirdoes for friends)
The cheesiness law (he does not make like, kilig moments)
The power of love law (he does not like talking about love)
The indecisiveness law (he decides by himself and for himself only)
The law of constant superiority (he is constantly beating me)
The law of standard intellectual level (he knows things I know not for this law states that if I don’t know the answer, you should not know it also)

He is surely a threat to our growing organization. Cast him out as quickly as possible and as my Slave, you must obey all the laws and regulations specified above. Destroy immediately after reading.

* scrounged from a forgotten notebook. This note was scrupulously underlined and bordered with little hearts. Who this was sent to and from whom, I can only guess... Hmmm.....

You are Here To Suffer.

You.

Yes, you.

You spend everyday waiting for acknowledgement, yet you receive none.

You are fed up with pleas of mediocrity, of setting the bar a little lower below your standards.

You spend everyday with people you wouldn't want to touch with a ten foot electric post

You think majority of the people are the same

Wanting to be cool, they all strive to be the same

You are disgusted with the people in power, messing up your mind with various news about their favorite showbiz personalities.

You cry from all the rehashed material that's filling the minds of the people with shit, promoting discrimination and prejudice

You puke from all the cheap entertainment that you see all around, yet you see people swallowing their innards just to be branded "cool"

You curse the bland commercialized philosophy that the media sells to the youth

You laugh at people striving desperately to be in the know yet secretly you crave to have the same trumped up attention they receive

You protest against the people who stick so close to you, stealing and basking in the reflected
glory of your achievements

The state views you as a number,

Your friends a companion,

Strangers, a shadow in their path

Then it dawns unto you...

What does not kill you makes you stronger.

Rage and protest, that what was yours was not given full appreciation

Suffering will give you scars

And these scars will grow thick like armor on your skin

To help you with a fresh wave of suffering

These ideas may not cause tremors on the world but one day it will penetrate their thickened skulls

Never stop. All is not lost. This will bear fruit someday.

(inspired by Twisted2 and a large cup of capuccino)

Ang Leksyon ng mga Salmon

"Boy, alam mo ba, kapag breeding season na ng mga salmon, kahit anong direksyon ng tubig eh lalabanan nila yan. Tumatalon nga sila kapag di nila nakaya na sumalungat sa agos ng tubig saka sa mga maliliit na waterfalls."

"Ganun ba sila kadesperadong makasibak tatang?"

"Haha. Nakakatuwa kang bata ka. Pinapaalala mo sakin yung anak ko sa Singapore."

"Salamat ho tatang."

"Basta ganun sila. Yung ibang salmon nga namamatay dahil sa pagod eh pero at least ginawa nila yung makakaya nila."

Patuloy kong tinitigan ang rumaragasang ilog. Tumatalon nga ang mga salmon. Tila walang pagasa pero banat lang ng banat. Ang lupit.

Itutuloy ko ang payo sakin ni tatang. Kahit napakalakas ng agos ng tadhana, kung ito ay di ko maibigan, sasalungat at sasalungat ako sa daloy. Kung di ko gusto iiwan ko nalang basta. Di ko taw kawalan yun sabi ni tatang. Ano ba yun sakin? Kung gago ako sa paningin nila well, mas gago ako sa akala nila, ako yung tipong pumapatay ng kaluluwa.

Tatandaan ko ang mga taong yun. Di ko maisip kung gano sila kaastig, nakakaya nilang makipagusap sayo ng normal habang ginagago ka. Ewan ko ba san nila natutunan yun. Bakit kaya sila ganun? Baka sila yung hindi napalaki ng mabuti ng magulang nila.
Patay na isda lamang ang sumusunod sa agos ng tubig. Hinahamon ko kayong sumalungat sa agos ng tadhana at kapalaran.
Pasensya na ngunit ang aking kalayaan sa pagsasalita ay nakumpromisa na, pero hindi dito sa kabila lamang.