Goodbye and Forever Hello, 2008

Eto nanaman, patapos na ang taon at ang mga tao, nagwawala nanaman sila sa mga pre-apocalyptic prophecies nila at mga hula tungkol sa lovelife ng mga celebrities (na halos pareho lang). Pero puro sila hinaharap, samahan niyo ngayon ako sa aking pagbalik lingon sa mga nangyari noong taon na ito. At dahil ako ang nagsulat nito, puro ako, ako at ako lang ang paguusapan natin dito. Ang mga kasiyahan ko, yung mga pangakong natupad at nabali, yung pagkahulog ko sa napakalalim na hukay ng depression at mga leksyon na aking natutunan ang ating paguusapan dito. Handa ka na ba? Tara, pasukin natin ang napakakulay, napakasaya, napakalungkot at minsang sobrang nakakabadtrip na year 2008 ni Kelvin.

btw, yang last paragraph na yan, nirephrase at tinagalog version ng intro ko nang year ender entry ko last year. sorry, busog ako sa pasta at pagmamahal kaya di makapagisip ng maayos na intro. cheers. ^_^

Enero....
Nahihirapan akong alalahanin ito, dahil siguro kasi walang masyadong nangyari dito. Ang pinakanaaalala ko sa buwang ito ay punong puno ito ng pangako't mga hiling. Sa bilang ng mga pangako at hiling na natupad, akoy walang maalala. Badtrip.

And then came February.
Yung Pebrero ay medyo boring, dahil talagang hindi ako nageenjoy sa panonood ng mga couples na nagsasabihan ng "ilabshooo hunni" at nagp-PDA sa UST. Ewan ko ba, siguro naiinggit lang ako, pero gaya nga ng sabi ko, ewan ko nga. Salamat kay paul, ice at riki, kasama ko ata kayo nung feb.14, nagyosi at kumain sa me P.Noval. Pero kung schoolwork ang paguusapan, sobrang busy. One word: thesis. Oo nga pala, tumakbo yung kathesis ko sa economics society. Dito din nagsimulang umusbong ang mga rosas na magpapahirap sakin (oo, umibig ako sa taong hindi ako sasagutin). Haha.

Eto na, marso. Medyo madami ang nangyari nitong buwan na ito. Unang una, sa month na ito una kong naapreciate ang photography at nagsimula na akong kumuha ng kumuha ng litrato. Tumibay ang bonding namin ni Jordan at naging master ko siya, dahil siya ay may DSLR tapos ako malupit na filter lang ang maipagyayabang ko. Bumili na din ako ng jacket na pang neg(negativeXpositive vibes dood) dahil gusto kong mang chicks. Pucha, di gumana. haha.
Yung rosas na nabanggit nung pebrero, nagkagalit kami. As in galit na galit. Puchang economics society kasi yan. Kahit ngayon sinusumpa ko sila. Anyway, ayon, di na muna kami nag-usap. Dahil doon, inisip kong mag suicide. Ulit. Yak.
Nung katapusan ng marso, di ko na maalala, uminom ata ako o nagyosi lang mag isa pero ang pinakatanda ko ay yung birthday ni Margon. Me nangyari dun na hindi ko makakalimutan dahil, haha, badtrip talaga. Ang masasabi ko lang ay may hinatid akong lasing sa me greenhills. Ugh. Matapos nun, di na kami nag usap. Badtrip. Crush ko pa man din siya.

Abril, o abril. Ito ang "philosophical self rediscovery" month ko (shet, anong ibig sabihin nun?). Unang una, nagpabunot ako ng ipin, tapos dahil sa sakit, I realized na I was not in pain, I was pain itself. Because of this realization, nakapagpatuloy ako sa aking buhay. Nakalimutan ko yung pait ng nakaraan at namispis ako sa mga kasalanan ko. Ayun, malinis na.
Nakabili nga din pala ako ng libro ni Friedrich Nietzsche at bumiyahe kasama ni Renel sa Ananda Marga dun sa sikatuna village sa QC. Madami akong natutunan tungkol sa hinduism saka sa mysticism na bumabalot dito. Bumili na din ako ng PSP at nakatulong ito para ako'y malibang. Hindi ko ginawang entertainment device yung PSP, actually, pambasa ko lang siya ng e-books.
Nagbakasyon din nga pala kami ng aking mga pinsan sa liblib na isla sa Quezon. Kami lang kasama. Shet, ang sarap. Sana nga lang kasama ko yung girlfriend ko at kami'y gumawa ng mga nakakatuwang bagay. Hahahaha. Ito din ang buwan na pinangako kong hindi na ako magyoyosi gaya ng dati. Natupad naman ito.

Pero kahit ang daming nangyari nung abril, nagbigay daan siya para sa napakagandang buwan ng mayo. Sa buwan na ito, sobrang enjoy. Unang una, nagpunta kaming Pahiyas Festival. Lahat kami pumunta dito hindi bilang bisita sa isang handaan o mga nantitrip lang ngunit bilang mga photographer. Wow. The sights, the colors, the.... rain. Leche. Umulan. Sobrang badtrip pero ok lang. Kinabukasan nagpunta kami sa Atimonan, umakyat ng bundok at kumuha ng maraming maraming magagandang litrato (at hindi lang puro mukha ang makikita mo dito). On a minor note, naging 12 years old ulit ako dahil nanood ako ng evangelion 1.0.

Hunyo. Simula ng pasukan. First day ng klase, ako'y absent. Ayun, nakipag met up sa mga lomo friends niya. Halip doon, wala namang nangyaring masyado. Siguro ganun ang pagkakaalam ko kasi wala na akong maalala, nagkaron kasi kami ng sobrang kulit na thesis adviser na pinarevise ang lahat ng chapters ng thesis namin. Pucha, dahil sa puyat nasira ang short term memory faculties ko. Ugh. Dumating din ang hunyo pero wala akong masyadong naalala, dahil nga nasira ang short term memory faculties ko diba? Btw, nagkaayos nga pala kami nung kathesis mate kong isa. Tapos ayon, di na natuto si kelvin. Umibig ulit siya. Argh. haha.

Dumaan ang august. Napakabilis. Puro schoolwork/thesis tapos sa gabi suma-sideline ako sa pagaaral nung Ladder theory, teorya siya sa pangchi-chicks. May natutunan ako at without my knowing it, me napaibig ako dahil sa teoryang ito. Tapos kumapal ng todo ang mukha ko at naging napakagaling ko. Oo, sobrang galing.

Nung setyembre, nagpaalam ako sa lugar na lagi kong pinupuntahan noong last sem nung 3rd year ako at simula ng sem nung 4th year ako. Medyo malungkot, pero kailangang umusad dahil iiwan ka ng panahon. Ang tanda ko, bumawi ako sa pagaaral ko ng photography. Pumunta sa kung saan saan at nag shoot o kaya nag lolomowalk sa quiapo, ganun lang. Hinahanap ang sarili. Siguro nakita ko yung sarili ko dahil naging masaya ako. At nakakita din ako nung tao na naishare ko sa kanya yung kaligayahan ko. Kahit kaligayahang wala lang, naibabahagi ko sa kanya. At alam kong masaya siya. Astig.

Oktubre. Unang una, natapos na yung thesis, putangina mo thesis! Sige na nga, isama mo na yung adviser! Naging "explosive" din yung pasahan nung thesis, dahil sa malabong usapan. Sobrang malabong usapan. At nagkagalit ulit kami nung isa kong thesis mate. Pero second sem, promise, naging ok na kami ulit.
Dito ko din sinimulang buuin ulit yung pagkakaibigan (and eventualy, yung love) namin ni, uhm... itago natin siya sa pangalang "bear", dahil binigyan niya ako ng bear last december. Nagpunta din ako ng Cinemanila at nanood ng Evangelion 1.0: you are (not) alone. Naging bata ulit ako.
Sa buwan na ito sinimulan ko ding iapply yung sinabi ni Frank Herbert sa Dune na "Fear is the mind killer". Sa harap ng takot at panganib, ako lang ang natira. Lupit.
Nung katapusan ng buwan na ito, sinabi ko kay "bear" na mahal ko siya. Hindi siya sumagot. At hindi din naman ako nagmadaling humanap ng sagot. Dahil ako ay isang venusian artist. Nagsimula na din kaming magkakakilalanlan ng mabuti ng mga bago kong kaibigan sa UST mountaineering club dahil sa venusian arts. Harhar.

Nightwish November. Oo, na-hook ako sa nightwish. Isa silang finnish sypmphonic metal band at magaling si Holopainen, yung keyboardist/composer nila. Wow.
Ang nobyembre ay associated sa paggunita sa ating mga namatay na minamahal sa buhay. Nitong buwan na ito, ako yung namatay. Oo. Namatay ako. Sobrang sakit. Durog na durog ako. Ito'y dahil si "bear" ay may iba palang mga plano, mga plano na naging rason ng sobrang sakit sa akin. Ni hindi nga niya napaliwanag ng maayos sakin ang rason kung bakit iniwan niya ako until recently.Nagyosi ulit ako pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon. Naghanap ng bisyo, uminom araw araw, nagmarijuana, nag cutting classes, tumambay sa quadri (park to sa UST) ng tatlong oras na wala namang ginagawa, shet, ang dami kong ginawa para makalimot. Ngunit pagkatapos nito, muli akong bumangon muli sa hukay at hinarap ang pinto na nakabukas sa harapan ko. In short, nag move on na ako. Kailangang umusad paharap, kahit pakonti-konti lang. Pero ok na ko. Promise. Shet.

December. Ang pinaka enjoy na buwan sa taong ito. Naging todo close kami ng mga kaibigan ko sa UST mountaineering club. Umakyat ng Mt.Cristobal ng sobrang lamig, nag mild hypothermia nga ako dahil dun. Pero nonetheless, masaya pa din, kasi masaya pa din kami for the simple fact na magkakasama kami. Simple lang ang buwan na ito, at dahil sa kasimplehang iyon ay naging pinakamasayang buwan ko ito. Salamat rachel, tin, jay, em, rex saka yung iba pa ko pang nakasama sa mga climb at inuman. Sobrang memorable. Salamat.

Nung pumalo yung December 10, nagsimula yung drinking spree ko. Araw araw, as in araw araw akong umiinom. Linggo lang ang pahinga. Iba iba ang kasama, mga dating ka-relasyon, mga makakarelasyon pa lang (haha, you know who you are) at mga kaibigan mula sa iba't ibang sulok ng maynila. Siguro di ko pa din makalimutan si "bear" pero ok na ako noon.
Nung paskuhan, nag photoshoot ako ng mag isa, at hindi natupad ang pangako ko na me kaakbay ako sa fireworks display sa paskuhan (since 1st year yung pangakong iyon, hindi natuloy. akalain mo). Natuloy sa inuman yun. Kinabukasan, nakapagusap na din kami ni "bear" ng maayos. Yun nga lang, inuman yun, kaya wala akong maalala. Shet, badtrip talaga. Me umiyak pa sa akin, yung kapareho kong iniwan ng minamahal. AHAHAHAHAHAHA HINDI NAKAKATAWA! Pero, at least, nalinawan na yung isyu namin ni Jamie. Pero kulang pa din eh. Kaya nagkaron kami ng follow-up talk sa ym. Ang korni. Ganun ka-importante pero sa YM lang. Pero medyo naluha din ako dun. Pagkatapos nangako ako na babalik ako dun sa panahon na hindi ko pa siya nililigawan. Lalambingin ko siya ng todo todo at kung magalit siya ay hindi ako hihingi ng tawad. Wala nang ilangan. Kalimutan na ang nakaraan. Harapin ang liwanag (the dawn rakenrol!).

Overall, masaya ang taong ito. Sobrang saya. Di ko makakalimutan ito. Ito na din kasi ang huli kong kumpletong taon sa mahal kong Pilipinas.
Pero may tatlong buwan pa, at wala akong balak na palampasin ang tatlong buwan na iyon ng walang bagong alaala. Sa lahat ng mga taong nagpasaya sa akin, salamat sa inyo. Sa mga taong hindi naman nagpasaya sa akin, salamat din. Binigyan niyo ako ng napakaraming topics para sa aking pagsusulat. Haha.

Eto sabi ko nung Dec.31 last year "This year is just an overture. You better wait for a better year ender entry next year". Natupad siya. Astig. Kaya ngayon sasabihin ko ito: This year is yet another overture for a much better year ender entry next year!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The end of our exploring,

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

-T.S. Elliot

Goodbye and forever hello 2008!

On a sidenote, goodluck sa atin. Tatama ang financial crisis sa first quarter ng 2009 sa Pilipinas.

Collected sayings from Mind, Body and Kickass Moves

1. Morality only comes before and after a fight
2. A man is only as strong as his weakest points
3. You must move through the gaps and spaces in your enemies' mind, to go undetected.
4. I admire their absence of thought,we have thoughts that confuses us, thought gets in the way of our natural instincts. Apply that in combat, you mustn't think when you fight. You must just act - straight away (Chris, on monkeys).

On the Bambi issue

About dun sa mga reply ko sa nag comment sa aking last entry, yung murderers manning the government, I will state that hindi ako nag recant ng aking statement. Kung ano nakasulat dun ay hindi ko babawiin dahil ang nakaraan na ay hindi na maibabalik at isang beses lang tayo makagagawa ng isang bagay, at dahil dito nagkakaroon ito ng bigat at kahulugan.

Pero habang ako'y naghuhugas ng pinggan kaninang hapunan, ako'y napaisip, dahil nagbanggit si moon-something ng isang artikulo sa isang sikat na broadsheet at akin namang binasa ito. Sabi ng artikulong ito ay wala daw kasalanan si Pangandaman Jr at Sr dahil ang mga De La Paz daw ang nagsimula ng gulo. Ngunit sa parehong pahayagan ay may lumabas na din na istorya na nagsasabi ng istorya ayon sa mga mata ng mga De La Paz at iyon ang aking nilahad sa aking huling post sa aking mumunting blog. Nagkakaroon ngayon ng konting pagaalinlangan ang mga tao (pero ako ang pinaniniwalaan ko ay ang istorya ni Bambi De La Paz) kung ano ang totoong nangyari.

Sige, ipagpalagay na natin na ang mga De La Paz ang nagsimula ng umanong gulo. Pero tama ba na bugbugin ng tatlong bodyguard at ni Pangandaman Jr ang tatay niya at ang kanyang katorse-anyos na kapatid na walang kalaban laban? Tama ba na gawin nila ito ng isa pang beses noong irereklamo sila ni Bambi sa mga kinauukulan ng golf course? At nasa tama ba ang mga Pangandaman noong magdala sila ng baril sa loob nung golf course kahit na ipinagbabawal ito ng management?

Patawarin niyo ako sa napakabilis at napakatangang konklusyon ng napakaliit kong utak pero sa tingin ko kahit saan mo tingnan ay mali parin ang mga Pangandaman.

Murderers are manning the government

Please please read and spread the word. She needs justice and to the villains, they must pay. This is not merely a mishap, misunderstanding or power tripping, this is attempted murder by a politician. May demons tear them from limb to limb. Read her account, and please, pray for her and her family.
copied from http://vicissitude-decidido.blogspot.com/2008/12/world-is-fucked-up.html


So, I just had the worst day of my life.

At around 1:30 PM today, at Valley Golf and Country Club, Antipolo City, Mayor Nasser Pangandaman, Jr., Mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur, his father, Secretary Nasser Pangandaman of the Department of Agrarian Reform, and company, beat my defenseless 56-year-old dad and my 14-year-old brother to a pulp because of some stupid misunderstanding on the golf course.

This is a golf course. I have been a golfer all my life, and I have never seen anything like this. NOTHING. This is hard to comprehend. And it happened to my own father and my own brother too. Right in front of my eyes.

My brother and I were playing golf at the South Course of Valley. We were on the 3rd hole, and we see two golf carts going past us, overtaking our flight, and setting up to tee off on the next hole. My dad goes up to them and asks them why they would do that, why they would overtake us without even asking for our permission. Golf etiquette 101. One of the guys says that they're with the flight in front of us. (So what? That doesn't give them the right to just pass us WITHOUT asking.) So, we go to the 5th hole. The flight behind us catches up with us, and asks us what caused the hold up. We said that this flight just slipped in front of our flight. So we complained to the marshall. We play the 5th hole and walk towards the next hole, where there is a teehouse, and both the flights in front of us were there, talking with the marshall. The mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur talks with my dad. Things get heated up. Voices were raised. But never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever imagine that someone would pull out a punch. Apparently not. He attacks my father. His flightmates, maybe 2 or 3 of them, rush to his aid and beat up my father. My 56-year-old father. My younger brother and I could not just watch. We rushed to break the fight. My younger brother pleads to the mayor to please stop it. To not hurt my dad. To just stop. His words still ring through my head..."Sorry na po, sorry na po...tama na...tama na po..." With his hands in front of his chest in a praying position. PLEADING. The mayor socks him in the face. My brother defended himself. My dad is still on the ground getting clobbered. My brother is the same way. I try to stop the fight, but all I can do is stop one person. There were 4 or 5 of them attacking now.

Someone breaks up the fight. I thought it was all over. The mayor shouts to his caddy: "Hindi nila kami kilala! Sabihin mo nga sa kanila kung sino ako!" And believe me, I had no idea who this person was. But now I know. He's the person who, with 4 other men, beat up my 56-year-old father and my 14-year-old brother. He's the person who sacks a pleading 14-year-old kid in the face. He's a person who, I am sure, is gonna rot in hell.

I lash out, but my dad held me back. I was screaming my lungs out, shouting to this mayor, telling him about what he had done. I said: "Nakakahiya kayo. Singkwenta'y sais anyos ang tatay ko. And kapatid ko kakatorse anyos. Anong ilalaban nila sayo?"

The mayor looks at my brother, point to his face, and says, "Tatandaan kita!" And he tells me that my brother has a bad attitude and that I need to watch him. WHAT THE HELL?! So, my brother's bad for defending his father?!

We leave. We walk to the clubhouse to file a complaint. My brother asks for a doctor. My dad could barely walk. Their group comes to the clubhouse, sees my brother. Once again my brother pleads, says sorry, and is crying. He was CRYING, for crissakes. But no. The relentless mayor still punches him in the face, and then sees my dad and goes after my dad again. Him and his friend pull my dad to the ground, pulls at his feet, and steps on him like he's dirt. I run to him and try to hold him back, holding him back by his shirt, while this other guy and this girl tries to stop me. She tells me to just stop it. I scream in her face "they're beating my father up and you want me to stop?!" I pull at his shirt--I don't let go. All I can see was my dad being trampled on. I didn't even see my brother getting beat up.

People pull them away. I get my dad, and I saw my brother. His right ear was bleeding. I freaked out. I told the receptionists to bring my brother to the clinic. I pull my dad away. People were separating us.

My mom and my older brother come. I tell her Bino's right ear is bleeding. They both look like they could kill. My dad holds my brother off, I hold off my mom. When I finally got my mom under control, my older brother gets away and I hold him off. Two of the mayor's bodyguards pull out guns. I embraced my brother from the back, just holding him back, crying. The receptionists came to us, crying, hugging me, my dad, and my mom, whispering to us to just leave. "Maam, umalis na po kayo, may mga baril sila...Maam...umalis na po kayo please..."

I am pretty sure the Secretary of DAR did not take part in the fight, but he just watched all this happen. He watched two of his sons, as we figured out, the other guy was his son, too, beat up my father and my 14-year-old brother. He didn't do anything to stop it. And this person is what now? A cabinet member. A politician.

Sounds like something out of a movie, doesn't it? But this is what happened. TODAY. The day after Christmas. To my family. And all I ask for is JUSTICE. The people at Valley Golf did not seem to want to help us. None of the security guards even tried to stop the fight. Right in the clubhouse. I came back after the fight was over and talked to the receptionists. They say they did not see anything. The general manager of Valley Golf would not give us the names of the men who made my brother's ear bleed. It took him an hour. Maybe even more than that. He seemed to not want to help us. Because, we were against the SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRARIAN REFORM and the MAYOR OF MASIU CITY, LANAO DEL SUR. They were all scared.

The world has gone crazy. Two politicians beat up a defenseless 56-year-old father and his 14-year-old son. At a golf course. I swear to God, I thought golfers were decent people. You would think politicians were decent people. I guess not. I guess they gang up on 56-year-old men and beat up pleading 14-year-old kids.

Please pray for my dad, my brother and for my whole family. Please pray that we get JUSTICE. Oh God, please, give these people what they deserve.

Philosopher's Song (from Monty Python)

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

LOL. haha. ^_^. intoxication is universal and transcends time and space.

You can say that again Nietzsche.

“For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable—intoxication.”

—Friedrich Nietzsche

And when he says intoxication, he means booze. Yeah!

Evil!!!

effing image to... uhmm... make the holiday more.... uhmm.. festive?
Greeting card by Charles Platt, 1994, Found on Jessica Zafra's blog.

Of course, golf course.

5:20 pm, personal note:
Ironic talaga, first time kong sumimba in 7months, first time kong mag simbang gabi, at yun pa ang huling simbang gabi. Wala namang nangyari masyado, walang kapatawaran, walang ilaw na suminag sakin pagpasok ko nang simbahan at walang sumalubong na kumakantang anghel. Walang kahit ano. Ganun pa din ang ginawa ko sa simbahan, mag isip ng problema at maghanap ng iisiping bagay huwag lamang mapakinggan ang pari sa harap. Maexperience ko lang na magsimba, ok na. Nagsisimba ka naman talaga para sa sarili mo lamang at hindi para kahit kanino, at iba iba ang rason natin kung bakit tayo nagsisimba.

5:23 pm, restate my assumptions:
One. Hindi mo mapaplano ang lahat ng bagay, magkaron ka ng paniniwala sa kaguluhan, yung natural tendency for things to go wrong.
Two. Murphy's law says that if something can go wrong, then it will go wrong.
Three. I say that if something goes wrong you can use it to your advantage, providing it goes wrong enough.

Evidence:
One. Ironic situations na kung saan ang lahat ng simulain ay nangyayari sa katapusan, at ang lahat ng ito ay matagal ko na dapat ginawa.
Two. Mga problema na kung saan matagal na dapat nalutas, at napakadaling lutasin, kung nagkaron lang ng konsepto ng Murphy's Law dati.
Three. What does not kill you makes you stronger -Friedrich Nietzsche.

Hindi ba halata, kapapanood ko lang ng Pi, by Darren Aronofsky. haha.

Of course, golf course.

5:20 pm, personal note:
Ironic talaga, first time kong sumimba in 7months, first time kong mag simbang gabi, at yun pa ang huling simbang gabi. Wala namang nangyari masyado, walang kapatawaran, walang ilaw na suminag sakin pagpasok ko nang simbahan at walang sumalubong na kumakantang anghel. Walang kahit ano. Ganun pa din ang ginawa ko sa simbahan, mag isip ng problema at maghanap ng iisiping bagay huwag lamang mapakinggan ang pari sa harap. Maexperience ko lang na magsimba, ok na. Nagsisimba ka naman talaga para sa sarili mo lamang at hindi para kahit kanino, at iba iba ang rason natin kung bakit tayo nagsisimba.

5:23 pm, restate my assumptions:
One. Hindi mo mapaplano ang lahat ng bagay, magkaron ka ng paniniwala sa kaguluhan, yung natural tendency for things to go wrong.
Two. Murphy's law says that if something can go wrong, then it will go wrong.
Three. I say that if something goes wrong you can use it to your advantage, providing it goes wrong enough.

Evidence:
One. Ironic situations na kung saan ang lahat ng simulain ay nangyayari sa katapusan, at ang lahat ng ito ay matagal ko na dapat ginawa.
Two. Mga problema na kung saan matagal na dapat nalutas, at napakadaling lutasin, kung nagkaron lang ng konsepto ng Murphy's Law dati.
Three. What does not kill you makes you stronger -Friedrich Nietzsche.

Hindi ba halata, kapapanood ko lang ng Pi, by Darren Aronofsky. haha.

spaced out

meron talagang mga bagay na hindi mo na dapat inaalam.
speechless ako, nabablanko ako, shet.
wow. shet. galing. inom. pota.

Haha

A friend said to me that she is a down to earth person. Usually face down. LOL

Run.

your scent lingers in the hallways of my memory your voice it echoes within empty rooms and never goes silent nor fades away and the sorrowful bittersweet yet grand symphonic chorus of regret and repressed memories and emotions it floods once again it threatens to engulf to wash away to fill every empty space in my mind and give it weight your scent your voice it attracts me yet I am haunted by it get away it makes me want to run and run away far far away from everything from but it overwhelms me

all I can do is take you into my arms and suffer from the fleeting happiness you give me

Let's have a reprise, shall we?

The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.

Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.

What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?

-The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

If weight will hinder me but make me more real then I would do it. Burdens can reassure you of your continuing existence for you know that you still feel, still dragged back by the weight that one have been once accustomed to. Give me a firm point on which to stand and I will move the earth.

Shall I carry you in my arms and dance tonight my love?

Out of time

Dati, sabi ko importante ang pagtulog ng walong oras araw araw dahil kapag natutulog ka, nagrereconstitute ang katawan mo at most of the time, subconscious ang ginagamit ko kapag ako'y nagsusulat. Pero dahil malapit na ang oras ng aking paglisan, gagamitin ko na ang motto ng isa kong kaibigan: sleep is for the weak.

time=consciousness=preservation=memory=existence

Twilight. Condensed, oversimplified and summarized version

para sa mga nakabasa at hindi pa nakakabasa ng Twilight. kung bkit ito hit na hit sa maraming tao!

Twilight ( Kanto Version )

Kasi pare ganito daw yun. may isa daw babae na hot daw pare. pero maputla siya kasi hindi siya inalagaan ng nanay niya pare. tapos pare emo daw siya kasi nga daw hindi siya mahal ng mundo at para siyang patay na bata na galit sa mundo. tapos pare, lumipat daw siya ng tirahan kasi daw masyado daw siyang emo para sa luma niyang tirahan. sabi niya sa nanay niya "tangina mo nay gusto ko lumipat kay tay". tangina pare hindi nagalit nanay niya. sabi lang ng nanay niya "tangina mo pare wag ka magmura".

so lumipat siya sa tatay niya di ba? pagkarating niya dun sabi niya, "tangina erpat bakit maulan dito?" sabi ng erpat niya "gago "bur" months na! malamig na tangena". so nagtaka yung babaeng simula ngayon ay tatawagin na lang nating "babaeng maputla at emo".

so pumasok siya sa school di ba? binigyan siya ng truck ng tatay niya pare. sabi ng tatay niya "tangina mo sa'yo na tong truck ko". sabi niya "salamat tay".

pagkarating niyang school tsong, may nakita siyang lalaking mukhang bangkay pero pogi. sakto. pogi pero mukhang bangkay. sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "hot pare".

nung chem lab na ni babaeng maputla at emo, natagpuan niyang lab partner niya yung poging bangkay. so nung tinignan siya nung poging bangaky, ang asim ng mukha nito. mukhang nandiri ata kay babaeng maputla at emo.

sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina KA". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina NIYA oh *tumuro sa teacher nila*". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "oo nga noh. TANGINA MO". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo gago bampira ako". tapos naghubad siya ng damit at kumintab ang katawan niya kasi linagyan niya ng glitters ang abs niya kasi tigas siya at ganun na ang mga tigas ngayon na nagpupuntang emba. Puta pare sarap niyang isanla sa pawnshop feeling ko kikita ako ng malupet sa kanya! Isipin mo shining shimering ang gago!

so anyways pare na in love si babaeng maputla at emo kay poging bangkay. si poging bangkay naman sige lang kasi sex din daw yun. so ayun. angshweet shweet nila. parang:

"eow poh... ahihihihi"

"bebe mwahugz,..... ^^, ilabshooo"

so tapos nun nagpunta sila sa damuhan kasi.... alam mo na. tapos sabi ni poging bangkay "ikaw na buhay ko ngayon" sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina mo gago patay ka na". sabi ni poging bangkay "TANGINA KA".

so basically pare yun lang yung mga importanteng nangyari sa buong storya. intense noh? kaya pala nahhook lahat ng tao.

grabbed from karlo.

Remember

Nothing can take form without borrowing the likeness of something already inside you.