I don't like this

The first weeks of the semester? It feels like someone told you to scale the Insular life building in Alabang-with no ropes or safety harness.

The events that recently happened has made me doubt my sanity, for I feel that the symptoms of suicidal bouts are surfacing again. I know that I am doing something but the thrill had disappeared altogether with the sense of achievement.

I know that I study for me to live the way that I want to live my life but what if this studying makes you just want to withdraw from your life? This is the feeling that I usually get when the prospect of failing looms over me but this is only the beginning! I feel so doomed from the start that I want to quit but this is the way out spoiled brats. Therefore, the only thing I can do is to persevere, even if I get the feeling of being defeated from the start, because there is a kind of bravery and nobility in fighting a losing battle.

Sorry, I know that you can't probably help me even and if you wanted to.

This may read like shit-I'm not really in the mood to write...