What did I do to deserve?

I absolutely don't like the way the things are beginning right now. Some of them would say that the courses we are taking right now makes you dread the future but I don't care. I don't really care how hard things are as long as I feel secure in the knowledge that I will not fall anymore into the pits of depression. But now, I feel it looming over me.

One important factor in this must be my continued confusion on the mixed or imagined signs of this certain girl who I had known for quite some time now. There's some doubt on her intentions, or her lack of it. I spend too much time thinking of what she thinks, if she even thinks about me and if I even stand a chance in her multifaceted world. This makes me feel like the insecure little bastards I criticize. I have ranted on this before and I must never make a complete fiasco out of this one.
Another factor must be the growing distance between the world and me. I feel like I have grown indifferent to the simple pleasures that others enjoy and had moved on to the significant ones. I try to find the purpose of every action I do and what was once worthwhile to me in around mid-October is now considered a trivial pursuit.

Now, I am currently withdrawing from much of my socialization to my block mates because I am simply disgusted. I have breathed in their filth too long and I have decided to cut off entirely. The times for talking with perfect plastic dolls are over. I will do what I want, I don't want to help you anymore; go your own path in life.

Depression is currently holding me by the neck. It will hang me from a tree if I don't get help soon. Oh Lord God I hope this ends soon...