Credo quia Absurdum Est

I need to be sedated

2009-11-24T13:30:00.000-08:00

As soon as I had caught sight of that chinese guy carrying this parcel from Arianne out of the post office, I knew na something big was up. For starters, it's a really big box! Kahit ako nagulat. Napansin ko din na yung tape na ginamit para ireinforce yung box ay Rana Respiratory Care Group. Ewan ko kung bakit yun ang ginamit ni Arianne pero it captured the moment perfectly. Nagha-hyperventilate ako. Grabe.
At ano to? Me kakaibang bigat siya!

Wow. Photobook. I rifled through the pages quickly and I knew that I was going to enjoy (and learn so much) this book. International contest siya oh, at nanggaling yung mga contestants sa iba't ibang sulok ng mundo, di kagaya nung Toronto International Camera Fair last sunday, na nilagyan lang ng "International" para magmukhang malaking event. Anyway...

Ooooh. Salman Rushdie. I'm dying to read this... until I finish my book tower (4 books high). Medyo me kakapalan ang librong ito and I would really look like a cool intellectual guy when I read this on the subway. LOL

Eto pang isa, Required Readings for Anthropology of Political Systems? Ugh? Ang bigat ng titulo. Anyway, pag binasa ko to sa subway, ultimate international pogi points nanaman. Hahaha

At eto na. Camera case. This is not a good sign....

Pagbukas ko... ANAK NG!!!

ME CANON AE-1 NA BUMULAGA SAKIN!!!! ISANG NAPAKAKINIS AT NAPAKAELEGANTENG (tulad ni arianne, but in a different sense of elegance ehem) NA CAMERA

Masyado akong naexcite kaya yung lenteng nakakabit dun sa AE-1 eh yung 28mm na binili ko nung sunday pero eto ang kasama niyang lente. Isang napakagandang 50mm f/1.8 na standard lens. Now, I'm off to look for that 50mm f/1.2 lens. Hehehehe

Woah~! At me dalawa pang rolyo ng Ferrania Solaris! Ang official film ng Italy!

Sobra akong nagulat sa mga laman ng box. I am reminded of the ending of Se7en, yung scene na "What's in the box, what's in the baaax?"

Salamat, mahal kong Arianne. Pero this means nothing if I can't see you soon. I'll be sending you the TLR and the diana soon pero when I see you, bibigyan kita ng mas nakakatuwang regalo.

mmm~

Vice Accounting II

2009-11-22T09:41:00.000-08:00

Nagpunta ako sa Toronto International Camera Fair kani-kanina lang. But first let me tell you na yung "international" sa pangalan nung camera fair is nothing special. Wala lang, someone thought na porket iba ibang lahi ang mga magbebenta ng camera ay lagyan na natin ng suffix na international! Ugh. I spotted some chinese people there, indians, french, germans selling leicas, and a lady named Aida who suspiciously looked filipino who is selling leicas. From the bits of conversation that I was able to hear (again, she has that suspicious tagalog accent), I think namatay yung asawa niya na hindi ko alam kung pinoy o kung ano, at iniwan sa kanya yung koleksyon niya. She has a platinum plated uber rare leica m4 (only 200 were made daw) and she's planning to sell it. Hay nako, ang mga pinoy nga naman. Hahaha :D

Oh look! there's a Canon 7(it looks like a leica III). Inoffer sakin iyan nung lalaki for $150. Ang mura na nun! Kaya lang wala pa sa budget kaya I'll let it go. Alam ko naman na next time ay me lalabas pa na Canon 7 sa mga camera fair dito.
Me lima din siyang Rollei. Tae, alam mo magkano yun? $250! Gusto ko pa namang bumili nun since ang cute cute niya. Lalo na yung itim sa upper corner.

Eto ang isang section ng display ni Leicaman. Yung mga leica niya ranges from $300 (Leica IIIx) - $X000 (Mga Leica M at mga lente). Fortunately, sa ganung price range, hindi na kayang iprocess ng utak ko yung multiple zeroes at nagwi-window shop nalang talaga ako. At least ang dami kong nahawakang leica ngayon. hahaha.

Cool, orange na Nikonos o!

Rolleicord. I like.

Bellows.

Stereocamera ba tawag dun sa gitna? Sino na nakagamit nito?

See all those boxes? They contain expired $1 film. $1=P40. OMG.
Ektachromes, Fujichromes, Astia, Fujicolor, Tri-x, BW400CN, Ilford, Sensia, Velvia, Portra at kung ano ano pa. Unahan nga lang.

To give you a sense kung gaano kalaki yung venue, here's some photos

Ang daming tables! :D

Anyway, for the sake of accounting, ililista ko ang mga nabili ko.

Jupiter 8, $20. Deal na to kasi pag nag ebay ka, $50 ito.

f/2.0. Mmmm. Madumi nga lang ng konti pero madali namang maglinis.

Medyo rough nga lang yung focusing. Isang araw mababaklas ko to. Pero for now usable naman siya kaya ok na din. Nakakita nga pala ako ng Jupiter-3 for only $25! Kaya lang my enthusiasm was shot down nung nakita kong wala siyang aperture leafs. It must have been used in a microscope daw. Ugh.

Wide angle Canon lens. $20. P800. Ka-ching! Bargain!

Hey hey, she's a smoothie.

Mmmmm.

And here cometh the film.

Everything except the Superia 100 was bought at $1. Yung Superia 100 ay $2, fresh film kasi.

At this rate, kelangan ko nang bumili ng maliit na fridge. Napupuno na ang ref namin.

Pero nakakalungkot, ang dami ko ngang film kaya lang wala akong panahong na mag shoot.

Total expenses, $20 (Jupiter 8) + $20 (Canon 28mm FD Mount) + $27 (120 and 35mm film) + $5 (entrance fee) is $72. P3,168.00.

Notes from Seoul

2009-04-06T11:04:00.001-07:00

5:45am phil time
6:45am korean time
ilchon airport.

-wow libreng wifi, bakit walang ganito sa naia.
-ang hirap magtype sa psp.
-ang ganda ng mga security inspectors dito. nagtataka nga ako dun sa nag search sakin, me tumutunog talaga sa waist area ko pero after akong kapkapan(wow) pinalampas pa din ako. i was willing to submit to a strip search pa naman.
-mini mall ang airport dito. ang ganda, ang smooth ng design niya.
-naturally, mahal ang mga bilihin. ugh. kumakalam na ang sikmura ko.

Notes from Seoul

2009-04-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

Handy DIY Film Retriever

2009-04-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

Nakita ko sa net ang DIY retriever na ito. First try, nabalik na kagad yung film. Ang galing.

1. Kuha ka ng negatives mo na luma or film na di mo na ginagamit.
2. Cut teeth into the sprockets of the film
3. Insert the retriever into the film canister
4. With the spool of the film you want to retrieve the leader from facing towards you, turn the knob counter-clockwise until the teeth of the retriever catches the film leader.
5. SLOWLY pull the retriever out. You can do this in a dark room kung takot kayong lumabas ang film galing dun sa spool.
Pero kung nasa daylight kayo at nakalabas na yung leader pero nakakabit pa din yung leader, hold the leader and pull the retriever out. Pero may possibility na masira yung teeth nung retriever niyo kapag ginawa niyo ito. Pero madami naman kayong negs, ok lang yun.

Notice

2009-04-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Hindi muna ako makaka-check ng site ko kasi we're leaving for Canada na sa April 6.
Napadisconnect na din ang internet pero right now, meron pa. Minsan pala me mabuting bagay din na naidudulot ang kabagalang gumalaw ng PLDT. Anyway...

Let me take this as an opportunity to thank everyone na nameet ko especially sa mga lomowalks at sa mga online buddy na hindi ko na ata makikita ngunit naging mabuting mga online buddy. ugh haha.
Salamat. Wag na kayong magtanong, basta salamat.
Sa mga close friends ko, and for even closer friends, nagsasawa na kayo sa mga pasasalamat ko pero salamat ulit. Mahal ko kayong lahat. Gaya nga ng sinasabi ko palagi, ang lugar ay lugar lang. Pilipinas, Canada, America o kaya Norway, pare-pareho lang yan. Ang nagde-define ng isang lugar ay yung community, yung mga taong kilala mo. Kaya sa aking pag-alis hindi ang Pilipinas ang iiwan ko, kundi kayong lahat.

Ngayon, medyo magtitimpi muna ako sa kaadikan ko sa internet. Dito lang kasi ako napunta para sa research, news, music at mga docu na aking pinapanood. When I take my first breath of canadian air, tutuloy na yun sa pagbili ko ng PC at pagpapakabit ng internet.
I refuse to watch television.

Digression nanaman. Anyway, mawawala lang ako ng sandali. Pagbalik ko, mag-usap muli tayo under common skies.

Avant-Garde Panliligaw Tactics by Bob Ong

2009-04-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Bob Ong,

Matagal ko na pong nililigawan itong ramp model na stage actress na nakilala ko recently sa isang party. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Pag nakilala mo siya, tiyak matutunaw ang utak mo sa kakaisip sa kanya.

Hingi lang po ako ng advice, paano ko po siya mapapaibig? Bibigyan ko ba sya ng tuta? Haharanahin ko ba siya? Roses? Kalachuchi? Chocnut at sampaguita?
In lab na po ako. Ano po ang gagawin ko? Is she the one.

Lubos na gumagalang,
-Bartolome-

-REPLY-

Dear Bartolome,

Hindi ka talaga sasagutin niyang nililigawan mo. NAPAKA-OLD SCHOOL na kasi ng mga tactics mo. Wala nang gumagawa ng ganyan. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ng bagay, nagtaas na. nagtaas na ang gasoline, nagtaas na ang presyo ng bigas at mga bilihin, nagtaas na ang pamasahe at lalong NAGTAAS NA RIN ANG STANDARDS NG BABAE. Hindi na uubra ung siopao at kalachuchi mo. Lalo na yung huli mong binigay, hopia at santan. Ano ba pare? Anong era ka ba pinanganak?

Pero don’t worry. It’s not too late. May pag-asa ka pa. Hindi pa naman siya kinakasal at di pa niya sinasagot yung crush niya na basketball player. Kahit lamang siya ng sampung paligo sa’yo, daanin mo sa utak at creativity. Dahil aminin na natin, iyon na lang talaga ang pag-asa mo. Heto, bibigyan kita ng mga simple, tried and tested na mga regalo para di siya mapurga sa hopia at siomai. Sundin mo to, tiyak na lalaglag ang bagang niya sa iyo. Mga medyo more than your usual regalong pangligaw:

1. BILI KA NG CENTURY TUNA. Ilagay mo sa isang napakalaking box- yung sinlaki ng TV o kaya box ng desktop PC mo. Tapos balutan mo ng magarang magarang pambalot. Kuntsabahin mo ung teacher nya sa Calculus. Sa gitna ng klase, bigla kang kumatok sa classroom. Pero dapat, incognito ka. Magsuot ka ng LBC jacket, magshades at magsuot ng surgical mask. Pagpasok mo sa classroom, iabot mo yung box sa teacher at papirmahin mo ng acknowledgment receipt. Tapos pabuksan mo in front of everyone. Tignan mong mabuti ang reaksyong sa mukha niya.

Later during the day, pagtinanong niya kung bakit Century Tuna ang binigay mo, iikot mo yung lata at ituro mo un sign na “Omega 8” pagtinanong niya kung ano ung Omega 8, sabihin mo: “because you’re good for my heart.”

2. Mangolekta ka ng isang dosenang hanger na libre mong nakukuha tuwing nagpapa-dry clean ka. Tapos, sa bawat hanger, isulat mo to: “I miss hanging out with you.”

3. Instead of roses, kuha ka ng tissue paper sa banyo ng school mo. Gawin mong tissue paper roses. Gawa ka ng isang dosena. Pag-abot mo, sabihin mo, “Ganito kalinis ang pag-ibig ko sa’yo.”

4. Bili ka ng tetra pack ng mantikang Minola. Tapos bilugan mo yun “with Omega 8.” Hindi na siya magtatanong kung bakit.

5. Bigyan mo ng ice cream cone. Dapat ung cone lang at walang ice cream. Pag hinanap niya ung ice cream, sabihin mo, “natunaw na kakatitig sa’yo.”

6. Bili ka ng sandosenang box ng crayola. Kolektahin mo lahat ng black. Lagay mo sa isang box ng crayola. Sa likod, isulat mo: “Walang kulay ang buhay kung wala ka.”

7. Bigyan mo siya ng mumurahing bumbilya. Alam mo na siguro by this time kung ano ang isasagot pag tinanong niya kung bakit.

8. Itext mo siya ng “Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, hindi tayo halaman. Bagay tayo, BAGAY!”

9. Bigyan mo siya ng calling card ng MMDA, sa likod, isulat mo.”Para pag nagkabanggaan ang puso natin.”

10. Padalhan mo ng Happy Meal pero humwag mong ibibigay yung libreng laruan. Paghinanap niya, sabihin mo: “Ako ung freebie, at ikaw ung meal na nagpapahappy sa’kin.”

11. Sunugin ang kanyang bahay at padalhan ng hallmark card: “aanhin mo pa ang bahay mo, kung matagal ka nang nakatira sa puso ko.”

12. Pagatapos sunugin ang kanyang bahay, padalhan siya ng isang box ng posporo, Guitar brand. Unahan ang kanyang galit at sabihin, “ayan ang posporo na ginamit ko sa pagsunog ng iyong bahay, match na tayo.”

13. Sa kalagitnaan ng isang malupit na bagyo, pasalubungan siya ng “salbabida”, wag payong o mainit ng mami. Pag nagtanong bakit, ang isagot mo ay “ayaw kong malunod ka sa pagmamahal ko.”

14. Pag pumayag na siyang makipagdate, dalhin mo siya sa canteen at huwag bibitawan ang kamay. Pag tinanong niya kung bakit, ituro mo yun sign na “don’t leave your valuables unattended.”

Handang tumulong lagi,
BOB ONG

A tale of melodies

2009-03-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

a wind blows through the city
the wind is cold, and at times, it may make you want to stop
when that time comes, I want you to continue moving forward, no matter how slowly
you'll definitely reach it someday
even if sad things happen, you'll be fine
if you reach out your hand, someone will be there
because we can share warmth
even if you're alone on a tough journey
as long as you don't let go of the hand you hold onto, you'll definitely triumph
that's why you should never give up
at the end of a long, long road, happiness awaits you
happiness gathers together and becomes an even greater happiness
one day, I want you to realize this
you've experienced a plenty of happiness when you walked down this road
never forget. you're not alone.
carve your confident footsteps into the ground, transcend seasons,
and look up towards the sky.
even without wings, you'll make it
to the dream you saw one day
that dream of a future, overflowing with light.

-Ef, A Tale of Melodies

reminded me of goodbyes, passing and lost time, inner strength and those who are precious to me.

Admit it.

2009-02-18T05:15:00.000-08:00

It's natural for a person to deny he's a failure as a human being. That's why he (or she) searches for somebody who is more miserable than himself.

That's why so much animosity exists on the internet. Those who aren't able to find a more miserable person turn to the internet and call other people losers, even though they've never met. Just to make themselves feel superior.

Isn't that pathetic? There's a sense of security that comes from speaking badly of someone else. But... that isn't true salvation. Wouldn't you feel more relieved simply by admitting that you're a failure of a human?

-From Welcome to the NHK

Paranoia Agent

2009-02-07T05:02:00.000-08:00

Recently, I realized that the medium does not matter, what's important is the message it delivers (although I admit that some mediums suit their messages more). So, I turned to anime. I've watched only those considered significant, those considered to be psychological animes that gives your brain a good massage.

The series I've watched ranges from those that begin with a good start and suddenly taking a depressive turn, only ending with the human race dying and a new world created with endless discourses in the nature of human suffering and reality (Rahxephon / Evangelion) to those that are just plain mind boggling and filled with so much social propaganda that makes your mind explode with all the allusions, illusions and philosophical discourses on human nature (Paranoia Agent).

I just finished watching Paranoia Agent and the story was, well to cite a review, it mind-raped me. The series was a 13 episode discussion on how humans refuse to accept reality because of traumas, psychological disorders and desires that man buries so very deep inside of them. The series also provides social commentary on topics ranging from consumerism, capitalism, mass media, regret and self-pity in such a symbolic way that many are not understood, much more are unanswered. Utilizing a wide range of characters that portray in such an accurate and diverse way the many personalities found in modern society, Paranoia Agent's main message is how people search for a temporary "messiah" to cure their wounds, those that have been sustained by a reality that they cannot accept. The antagonist in the story serves as the "messiah", releasing people from the realities in their life that they can't accept and robbing them of the opportunity of accepting this reality eventually as time goes by.

Paranoia Agent also has a habit of mixing reality and the surreal which reminds you of the flexibility of the chosen medium. This habit, unfortunately, screws with your mind so much that it turns off viewers and people with more mainstream tastes run off to find the latest episode of Naruto or Bleach or whatever is popular today.

As you can notice, this is not a proper review. This is an early morning ranting that does not deserve to be called a review, but a product of 4 cups of coffee. I've resisted giving out the story because it was so well crafted and executed in a very off-centered, out of the ordinary way that summarizing it for the viewer would be a very very big shame.

To those whose interest is aroused on Paranoia Agent, prepare to be mind-raped.

My head is spinning

2009-02-06T00:10:00.000-08:00

An individual can only recognize oneself as an individual when a point of reference (another person) exists.

You cannot see yourself unless there are other people around.

Kübler-Ross model

2009-01-27T22:36:00.000-08:00

The Kübler-Ross model first introduced by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying", describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people allegedly deal with grief and tragedy, especially when diagnosed with a terminal illness. The stages are known as the Five Stages of Grief.

The stages are:

1. Denial:
* Example - "No, this cannot be happening! She's not leaving, she just has some issues"

2. Anger:
* Example - "Why me? It's not fair! Everything I have done for her and now this??!"

3. Bargaining:
* Example - "Please, I'd do anything, just tell me, what's the matter? Why him, not me?"

4. Depression:
* Example - "What's the point of everything? When she left, it has, and always have been the end."

5. Acceptance:
* Example - "It's going to be OK. It might be the end, but I can start all over again with someplace new, some one new. I'm fine."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, or infertility. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

Others have noticed that any significant personal change can elicit these stages. For example, experienced criminal defense attorneys are aware that defendants who are facing stiff sentences, yet have no defenses or mitigating factors to lessen their sentences, often experience the stages. Accordingly, they must get to the acceptance stage before they are prepared to plead guilty.

Additionally, the change in circumstances does not always have to be a negative one, just significant enough to cause a grief response to the loss (Scire, 2007). Accepting a new work position, for example, causes one to lose their routine, workplace friendships, familiar drive to work, or even customary lunch sources.

The most common factor is when the person doesn't have the capacity to change their situation, at least not without considerable loss to themselves, thus a person who would go through these stages would not need to continue if they found a way out of the situation: e.g., If a person losing their house was at the bargaining stage but then somehow found a way out of the situation, then they'd have no reason to become depressed. So the 'stages of grief' could be linked to a lack of control or ability, e.g., people who have lost limbs, people on the bad end of an ultimatum, people under threat, and so on.

I have moved from denial to anger, bargaining to acceptance. It has been a rough, complicated and yet purposeful journey with you two.
Goodbye, and may this serve as the final nail in the coffin of your memories.

Learnings from The Eternity You Desire

2009-01-25T22:28:00.000-08:00

1. Hell is other people. If there's no such thing as farewell, we would just annoy each other. Therefore,

2. Farewell is relief. Separation is inevitable and a good relationship is a cycle of hellos and goodbyes, with each changing slightly in order not to stagnate

3. Being a family is about different people who've walked different paths heading towards the same place together.

4. If you're meeting your date, make sure she waits indoors where there is no danger of her getting hit by a car.

5. Don't speak when you've nothing to say.

6. Learn to give up. Giving up is not cowardice. There is honor in defeat and walking away is a test of courage.

7. Being too kind is cruel.

8. You must live in the same time as everyone or you will get left behind

9. When you refuse to confront your own emotions, you will be unable to recognize it.

10. The punishment for deserting allies under enemy fire is death!

P.S. Black lace is soooo sexy.

The Eternity You Desire (Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien) is highly recommended and is aimed straight at your tearducts. An anime with just the right drama and the restraint to go with it. Interesting storyline. Watch it. Cheers.

In. Your. Face.

2009-01-18T01:55:00.000-08:00

Natawa ako sa napaka ikling palitan ng salita ng isang pasahero sa bus kanina at isang self-righteous preacher na nagsasalita sa bus, para ikalat ang mabuting balita ng kanilang diyos. Ganito ang nangyari:

Preacher: Ikaw kapatid, naniniwala ka ba sa Diyos?
Pasahero: Hindi ako naniniwala sa iyo.

Pucha. Laughtrip sa bus. Pinagtinginan kaming dalawa nung mga ibang pasahero. Kung malapit lang ako dun sa pasaherong kausap nung preacher ay nag apir kami.

Time (or lack of it)

2009-01-16T16:33:00.000-08:00

As we shall see, the concept of time had no meaning before the universe. This was first pointed out by St. Augustine. When asked: "What did God do before He created the universe?"
Augustine didn't reply: "He was preparing Hell for people who asked such questions". Instead, he said that time was a property of the universe that God created, and that time did not exist before the beginning of the universe.

-Stephen Hawking, A Brief History Of Time

Dumating na ang visa. Sisimulan ko na ang pamamaalam.

Biyaheng Quezon Ave - Muntinlupa

2009-01-16T03:38:00.000-08:00

Kelvin: Hon (Oo, ganito tawag ko sa kanya), tabingi yung bus.
Hon: Hindi tabingi cookie (At oo, ganito tawag niya sa akin), baka ikaw, tabingi lang yung upo mo.
Cookie (ako to): ...
Hon: ...
Cookie: Hindi ka ba nakasandal sa akin?
Hon: ...
Cookie: ... Huy
Hon: Hindi.
Cookie: Sigurado ka?
Hon: Hindi nga eh. Leche.

makalipas ang limang minuto (ayon kay ted)

Cookie: Iba yung feeling, talagang tabingi talaga yung bus.
Hon: Baka kasi lumiko lang siya (yung bus) tapos dahil me centrigugal force, nag swing ngayon yung weight nung bus away from the center of the curve. cookie simple physics lang, kala ko ba matalino ka!
Cookie: ...
Hon: ...
Cookie: shet, nasa EDSA tayo, me curves ba ang edsa?
Hon: nasa EDSA tayo???!
Cookie: Matulog ka na muna hon.

Natawa ako, sinulat pala ni ted yung usapan namin. Kahit ako kasi di ko matandaan dahil nasa cloud nine kami ni hon nung gabing iyon.

Malling is not for me

2009-01-10T00:34:00.000-08:00

Pumasok si Kelvin sa Mall of Asia.

"Tara, pasok tayo sa starbucks at magkape tayo habang niloloko natin ang ating mga sarili na wala tayo sa isang third world country!"
-Kelvin, on Starbucks

"Tara, bili tayo ng havaianas at magilusyon na di tayo nakaapak sa third world soil sa third world country!"
-Kelvin, on Havaianas:

"Tara..."
-Kelvin, on Alcohol

Goodbye and Forever Hello, 2008

2008-12-31T01:14:00.000-08:00

Eto nanaman, patapos na ang taon at ang mga tao, nagwawala nanaman sila sa mga pre-apocalyptic prophecies nila at mga hula tungkol sa lovelife ng mga celebrities (na halos pareho lang). Pero puro sila hinaharap, samahan niyo ngayon ako sa aking pagbalik lingon sa mga nangyari noong taon na ito. At dahil ako ang nagsulat nito, puro ako, ako at ako lang ang paguusapan natin dito. Ang mga kasiyahan ko, yung mga pangakong natupad at nabali, yung pagkahulog ko sa napakalalim na hukay ng depression at mga leksyon na aking natutunan ang ating paguusapan dito. Handa ka na ba? Tara, pasukin natin ang napakakulay, napakasaya, napakalungkot at minsang sobrang nakakabadtrip na year 2008 ni Kelvin.

btw, yang last paragraph na yan, nirephrase at tinagalog version ng intro ko nang year ender entry ko last year. sorry, busog ako sa pasta at pagmamahal kaya di makapagisip ng maayos na intro. cheers. ^_^

Enero....
Nahihirapan akong alalahanin ito, dahil siguro kasi walang masyadong nangyari dito. Ang pinakanaaalala ko sa buwang ito ay punong puno ito ng pangako't mga hiling. Sa bilang ng mga pangako at hiling na natupad, akoy walang maalala. Badtrip.

And then came February.
Yung Pebrero ay medyo boring, dahil talagang hindi ako nageenjoy sa panonood ng mga couples na nagsasabihan ng "ilabshooo hunni" at nagp-PDA sa UST. Ewan ko ba, siguro naiinggit lang ako, pero gaya nga ng sabi ko, ewan ko nga. Salamat kay paul, ice at riki, kasama ko ata kayo nung feb.14, nagyosi at kumain sa me P.Noval. Pero kung schoolwork ang paguusapan, sobrang busy. One word: thesis. Oo nga pala, tumakbo yung kathesis ko sa economics society. Dito din nagsimulang umusbong ang mga rosas na magpapahirap sakin (oo, umibig ako sa taong hindi ako sasagutin). Haha.

Eto na, marso. Medyo madami ang nangyari nitong buwan na ito. Unang una, sa month na ito una kong naapreciate ang photography at nagsimula na akong kumuha ng kumuha ng litrato. Tumibay ang bonding namin ni Jordan at naging master ko siya, dahil siya ay may DSLR tapos ako malupit na filter lang ang maipagyayabang ko. Bumili na din ako ng jacket na pang neg(negativeXpositive vibes dood) dahil gusto kong mang chicks. Pucha, di gumana. haha.
Yung rosas na nabanggit nung pebrero, nagkagalit kami. As in galit na galit. Puchang economics society kasi yan. Kahit ngayon sinusumpa ko sila. Anyway, ayon, di na muna kami nag-usap. Dahil doon, inisip kong mag suicide. Ulit. Yak.
Nung katapusan ng marso, di ko na maalala, uminom ata ako o nagyosi lang mag isa pero ang pinakatanda ko ay yung birthday ni Margon. Me nangyari dun na hindi ko makakalimutan dahil, haha, badtrip talaga. Ang masasabi ko lang ay may hinatid akong lasing sa me greenhills. Ugh. Matapos nun, di na kami nag usap. Badtrip. Crush ko pa man din siya.

Abril, o abril. Ito ang "philosophical self rediscovery" month ko (shet, anong ibig sabihin nun?). Unang una, nagpabunot ako ng ipin, tapos dahil sa sakit, I realized na I was not in pain, I was pain itself. Because of this realization, nakapagpatuloy ako sa aking buhay. Nakalimutan ko yung pait ng nakaraan at namispis ako sa mga kasalanan ko. Ayun, malinis na.
Nakabili nga din pala ako ng libro ni Friedrich Nietzsche at bumiyahe kasama ni Renel sa Ananda Marga dun sa sikatuna village sa QC. Madami akong natutunan tungkol sa hinduism saka sa mysticism na bumabalot dito. Bumili na din ako ng PSP at nakatulong ito para ako'y malibang. Hindi ko ginawang entertainment device yung PSP, actually, pambasa ko lang siya ng e-books.
Nagbakasyon din nga pala kami ng aking mga pinsan sa liblib na isla sa Quezon. Kami lang kasama. Shet, ang sarap. Sana nga lang kasama ko yung girlfriend ko at kami'y gumawa ng mga nakakatuwang bagay. Hahahaha. Ito din ang buwan na pinangako kong hindi na ako magyoyosi gaya ng dati. Natupad naman ito.

Pero kahit ang daming nangyari nung abril, nagbigay daan siya para sa napakagandang buwan ng mayo. Sa buwan na ito, sobrang enjoy. Unang una, nagpunta kaming Pahiyas Festival. Lahat kami pumunta dito hindi bilang bisita sa isang handaan o mga nantitrip lang ngunit bilang mga photographer. Wow. The sights, the colors, the.... rain. Leche. Umulan. Sobrang badtrip pero ok lang. Kinabukasan nagpunta kami sa Atimonan, umakyat ng bundok at kumuha ng maraming maraming magagandang litrato (at hindi lang puro mukha ang makikita mo dito). On a minor note, naging 12 years old ulit ako dahil nanood ako ng evangelion 1.0.

Hunyo. Simula ng pasukan. First day ng klase, ako'y absent. Ayun, nakipag met up sa mga lomo friends niya. Halip doon, wala namang nangyaring masyado. Siguro ganun ang pagkakaalam ko kasi wala na akong maalala, nagkaron kasi kami ng sobrang kulit na thesis adviser na pinarevise ang lahat ng chapters ng thesis namin. Pucha, dahil sa puyat nasira ang short term memory faculties ko. Ugh. Dumating din ang hunyo pero wala akong masyadong naalala, dahil nga nasira ang short term memory faculties ko diba? Btw, nagkaayos nga pala kami nung kathesis mate kong isa. Tapos ayon, di na natuto si kelvin. Umibig ulit siya. Argh. haha.

Dumaan ang august. Napakabilis. Puro schoolwork/thesis tapos sa gabi suma-sideline ako sa pagaaral nung Ladder theory, teorya siya sa pangchi-chicks. May natutunan ako at without my knowing it, me napaibig ako dahil sa teoryang ito. Tapos kumapal ng todo ang mukha ko at naging napakagaling ko. Oo, sobrang galing.

Nung setyembre, nagpaalam ako sa lugar na lagi kong pinupuntahan noong last sem nung 3rd year ako at simula ng sem nung 4th year ako. Medyo malungkot, pero kailangang umusad dahil iiwan ka ng panahon. Ang tanda ko, bumawi ako sa pagaaral ko ng photography. Pumunta sa kung saan saan at nag shoot o kaya nag lolomowalk sa quiapo, ganun lang. Hinahanap ang sarili. Siguro nakita ko yung sarili ko dahil naging masaya ako. At nakakita din ako nung tao na naishare ko sa kanya yung kaligayahan ko. Kahit kaligayahang wala lang, naibabahagi ko sa kanya. At alam kong masaya siya. Astig.

Oktubre. Unang una, natapos na yung thesis, putangina mo thesis! Sige na nga, isama mo na yung adviser! Naging "explosive" din yung pasahan nung thesis, dahil sa malabong usapan. Sobrang malabong usapan. At nagkagalit ulit kami nung isa kong thesis mate. Pero second sem, promise, naging ok na kami ulit.
Dito ko din sinimulang buuin ulit yung pagkakaibigan (and eventualy, yung love) namin ni, uhm... itago natin siya sa pangalang "bear", dahil binigyan niya ako ng bear last december. Nagpunta din ako ng Cinemanila at nanood ng Evangelion 1.0: you are (not) alone. Naging bata ulit ako.
Sa buwan na ito sinimulan ko ding iapply yung sinabi ni Frank Herbert sa Dune na "Fear is the mind killer". Sa harap ng takot at panganib, ako lang ang natira. Lupit.
Nung katapusan ng buwan na ito, sinabi ko kay "bear" na mahal ko siya. Hindi siya sumagot. At hindi din naman ako nagmadaling humanap ng sagot. Dahil ako ay isang venusian artist. Nagsimula na din kaming magkakakilalanlan ng mabuti ng mga bago kong kaibigan sa UST mountaineering club dahil sa venusian arts. Harhar.

Nightwish November. Oo, na-hook ako sa nightwish. Isa silang finnish sypmphonic metal band at magaling si Holopainen, yung keyboardist/composer nila. Wow.
Ang nobyembre ay associated sa paggunita sa ating mga namatay na minamahal sa buhay. Nitong buwan na ito, ako yung namatay. Oo. Namatay ako. Sobrang sakit. Durog na durog ako. Ito'y dahil si "bear" ay may iba palang mga plano, mga plano na naging rason ng sobrang sakit sa akin. Ni hindi nga niya napaliwanag ng maayos sakin ang rason kung bakit iniwan niya ako until recently.Nagyosi ulit ako pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon. Naghanap ng bisyo, uminom araw araw, nagmarijuana, nag cutting classes, tumambay sa quadri (park to sa UST) ng tatlong oras na wala namang ginagawa, shet, ang dami kong ginawa para makalimot. Ngunit pagkatapos nito, muli akong bumangon muli sa hukay at hinarap ang pinto na nakabukas sa harapan ko. In short, nag move on na ako. Kailangang umusad paharap, kahit pakonti-konti lang. Pero ok na ko. Promise. Shet.

December. Ang pinaka enjoy na buwan sa taong ito. Naging todo close kami ng mga kaibigan ko sa UST mountaineering club. Umakyat ng Mt.Cristobal ng sobrang lamig, nag mild hypothermia nga ako dahil dun. Pero nonetheless, masaya pa din, kasi masaya pa din kami for the simple fact na magkakasama kami. Simple lang ang buwan na ito, at dahil sa kasimplehang iyon ay naging pinakamasayang buwan ko ito. Salamat rachel, tin, jay, em, rex saka yung iba pa ko pang nakasama sa mga climb at inuman. Sobrang memorable. Salamat.

Nung pumalo yung December 10, nagsimula yung drinking spree ko. Araw araw, as in araw araw akong umiinom. Linggo lang ang pahinga. Iba iba ang kasama, mga dating ka-relasyon, mga makakarelasyon pa lang (haha, you know who you are) at mga kaibigan mula sa iba't ibang sulok ng maynila. Siguro di ko pa din makalimutan si "bear" pero ok na ako noon.
Nung paskuhan, nag photoshoot ako ng mag isa, at hindi natupad ang pangako ko na me kaakbay ako sa fireworks display sa paskuhan (since 1st year yung pangakong iyon, hindi natuloy. akalain mo). Natuloy sa inuman yun. Kinabukasan, nakapagusap na din kami ni "bear" ng maayos. Yun nga lang, inuman yun, kaya wala akong maalala. Shet, badtrip talaga. Me umiyak pa sa akin, yung kapareho kong iniwan ng minamahal. AHAHAHAHAHAHA HINDI NAKAKATAWA! Pero, at least, nalinawan na yung isyu namin ni Jamie. Pero kulang pa din eh. Kaya nagkaron kami ng follow-up talk sa ym. Ang korni. Ganun ka-importante pero sa YM lang. Pero medyo naluha din ako dun. Pagkatapos nangako ako na babalik ako dun sa panahon na hindi ko pa siya nililigawan. Lalambingin ko siya ng todo todo at kung magalit siya ay hindi ako hihingi ng tawad. Wala nang ilangan. Kalimutan na ang nakaraan. Harapin ang liwanag (the dawn rakenrol!).

Overall, masaya ang taong ito. Sobrang saya. Di ko makakalimutan ito. Ito na din kasi ang huli kong kumpletong taon sa mahal kong Pilipinas.
Pero may tatlong buwan pa, at wala akong balak na palampasin ang tatlong buwan na iyon ng walang bagong alaala. Sa lahat ng mga taong nagpasaya sa akin, salamat sa inyo. Sa mga taong hindi naman nagpasaya sa akin, salamat din. Binigyan niyo ako ng napakaraming topics para sa aking pagsusulat. Haha.

Eto sabi ko nung Dec.31 last year "This year is just an overture. You better wait for a better year ender entry next year". Natupad siya. Astig. Kaya ngayon sasabihin ko ito: This year is yet another overture for a much better year ender entry next year!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The end of our exploring,

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

-T.S. Elliot

Goodbye and forever hello 2008!

On a sidenote, goodluck sa atin. Tatama ang financial crisis sa first quarter ng 2009 sa Pilipinas.

Collected sayings from Mind, Body and Kickass Moves

2008-12-30T02:17:00.000-08:00

1. Morality only comes before and after a fight
2. A man is only as strong as his weakest points
3. You must move through the gaps and spaces in your enemies' mind, to go undetected.
4. I admire their absence of thought,we have thoughts that confuses us, thought gets in the way of our natural instincts. Apply that in combat, you mustn't think when you fight. You must just act - straight away (Chris, on monkeys).

On the Bambi issue

2008-12-29T02:38:00.000-08:00

About dun sa mga reply ko sa nag comment sa aking last entry, yung murderers manning the government, I will state that hindi ako nag recant ng aking statement. Kung ano nakasulat dun ay hindi ko babawiin dahil ang nakaraan na ay hindi na maibabalik at isang beses lang tayo makagagawa ng isang bagay, at dahil dito nagkakaroon ito ng bigat at kahulugan.

Pero habang ako'y naghuhugas ng pinggan kaninang hapunan, ako'y napaisip, dahil nagbanggit si moon-something ng isang artikulo sa isang sikat na broadsheet at akin namang binasa ito. Sabi ng artikulong ito ay wala daw kasalanan si Pangandaman Jr at Sr dahil ang mga De La Paz daw ang nagsimula ng gulo. Ngunit sa parehong pahayagan ay may lumabas na din na istorya na nagsasabi ng istorya ayon sa mga mata ng mga De La Paz at iyon ang aking nilahad sa aking huling post sa aking mumunting blog. Nagkakaroon ngayon ng konting pagaalinlangan ang mga tao (pero ako ang pinaniniwalaan ko ay ang istorya ni Bambi De La Paz) kung ano ang totoong nangyari.

Sige, ipagpalagay na natin na ang mga De La Paz ang nagsimula ng umanong gulo. Pero tama ba na bugbugin ng tatlong bodyguard at ni Pangandaman Jr ang tatay niya at ang kanyang katorse-anyos na kapatid na walang kalaban laban? Tama ba na gawin nila ito ng isa pang beses noong irereklamo sila ni Bambi sa mga kinauukulan ng golf course? At nasa tama ba ang mga Pangandaman noong magdala sila ng baril sa loob nung golf course kahit na ipinagbabawal ito ng management?

Patawarin niyo ako sa napakabilis at napakatangang konklusyon ng napakaliit kong utak pero sa tingin ko kahit saan mo tingnan ay mali parin ang mga Pangandaman.

Murderers are manning the government

2008-12-28T02:52:00.000-08:00

Please please read and spread the word. She needs justice and to the villains, they must pay. This is not merely a mishap, misunderstanding or power tripping, this is attempted murder by a politician. May demons tear them from limb to limb. Read her account, and please, pray for her and her family.
copied from http://vicissitude-decidido.blogspot.com/2008/12/world-is-fucked-up.html

So, I just had the worst day of my life.

At around 1:30 PM today, at Valley Golf and Country Club, Antipolo City, Mayor Nasser Pangandaman, Jr., Mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur, his father, Secretary Nasser Pangandaman of the Department of Agrarian Reform, and company, beat my defenseless 56-year-old dad and my 14-year-old brother to a pulp because of some stupid misunderstanding on the golf course.

This is a golf course. I have been a golfer all my life, and I have never seen anything like this. NOTHING. This is hard to comprehend. And it happened to my own father and my own brother too. Right in front of my eyes.

My brother and I were playing golf at the South Course of Valley. We were on the 3rd hole, and we see two golf carts going past us, overtaking our flight, and setting up to tee off on the next hole. My dad goes up to them and asks them why they would do that, why they would overtake us without even asking for our permission. Golf etiquette 101. One of the guys says that they're with the flight in front of us. (So what? That doesn't give them the right to just pass us WITHOUT asking.) So, we go to the 5th hole. The flight behind us catches up with us, and asks us what caused the hold up. We said that this flight just slipped in front of our flight. So we complained to the marshall. We play the 5th hole and walk towards the next hole, where there is a teehouse, and both the flights in front of us were there, talking with the marshall. The mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur talks with my dad. Things get heated up. Voices were raised. But never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever imagine that someone would pull out a punch. Apparently not. He attacks my father. His flightmates, maybe 2 or 3 of them, rush to his aid and beat up my father. My 56-year-old father. My younger brother and I could not just watch. We rushed to break the fight. My younger brother pleads to the mayor to please stop it. To not hurt my dad. To just stop. His words still ring through my head..."Sorry na po, sorry na po...tama na...tama na po..." With his hands in front of his chest in a praying position. PLEADING. The mayor socks him in the face. My brother defended himself. My dad is still on the ground getting clobbered. My brother is the same way. I try to stop the fight, but all I can do is stop one person. There were 4 or 5 of them attacking now.

Someone breaks up the fight. I thought it was all over. The mayor shouts to his caddy: "Hindi nila kami kilala! Sabihin mo nga sa kanila kung sino ako!" And believe me, I had no idea who this person was. But now I know. He's the person who, with 4 other men, beat up my 56-year-old father and my 14-year-old brother. He's the person who sacks a pleading 14-year-old kid in the face. He's a person who, I am sure, is gonna rot in hell.

I lash out, but my dad held me back. I was screaming my lungs out, shouting to this mayor, telling him about what he had done. I said: "Nakakahiya kayo. Singkwenta'y sais anyos ang tatay ko. And kapatid ko kakatorse anyos. Anong ilalaban nila sayo?"

The mayor looks at my brother, point to his face, and says, "Tatandaan kita!" And he tells me that my brother has a bad attitude and that I need to watch him. WHAT THE HELL?! So, my brother's bad for defending his father?!

We leave. We walk to the clubhouse to file a complaint. My brother asks for a doctor. My dad could barely walk. Their group comes to the clubhouse, sees my brother. Once again my brother pleads, says sorry, and is crying. He was CRYING, for crissakes. But no. The relentless mayor still punches him in the face, and then sees my dad and goes after my dad again. Him and his friend pull my dad to the ground, pulls at his feet, and steps on him like he's dirt. I run to him and try to hold him back, holding him back by his shirt, while this other guy and this girl tries to stop me. She tells me to just stop it. I scream in her face "they're beating my father up and you want me to stop?!" I pull at his shirt--I don't let go. All I can see was my dad being trampled on. I didn't even see my brother getting beat up.

People pull them away. I get my dad, and I saw my brother. His right ear was bleeding. I freaked out. I told the receptionists to bring my brother to the clinic. I pull my dad away. People were separating us.

My mom and my older brother come. I tell her Bino's right ear is bleeding. They both look like they could kill. My dad holds my brother off, I hold off my mom. When I finally got my mom under control, my older brother gets away and I hold him off. Two of the mayor's bodyguards pull out guns. I embraced my brother from the back, just holding him back, crying. The receptionists came to us, crying, hugging me, my dad, and my mom, whispering to us to just leave. "Maam, umalis na po kayo, may mga baril sila...Maam...umalis na po kayo please..."

I am pretty sure the Secretary of DAR did not take part in the fight, but he just watched all this happen. He watched two of his sons, as we figured out, the other guy was his son, too, beat up my father and my 14-year-old brother. He didn't do anything to stop it. And this person is what now? A cabinet member. A politician.

Sounds like something out of a movie, doesn't it? But this is what happened. TODAY. The day after Christmas. To my family. And all I ask for is JUSTICE. The people at Valley Golf did not seem to want to help us. None of the security guards even tried to stop the fight. Right in the clubhouse. I came back after the fight was over and talked to the receptionists. They say they did not see anything. The general manager of Valley Golf would not give us the names of the men who made my brother's ear bleed. It took him an hour. Maybe even more than that. He seemed to not want to help us. Because, we were against the SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRARIAN REFORM and the MAYOR OF MASIU CITY, LANAO DEL SUR. They were all scared.

The world has gone crazy. Two politicians beat up a defenseless 56-year-old father and his 14-year-old son. At a golf course. I swear to God, I thought golfers were decent people. You would think politicians were decent people. I guess not. I guess they gang up on 56-year-old men and beat up pleading 14-year-old kids.

Please pray for my dad, my brother and for my whole family. Please pray that we get JUSTICE. Oh God, please, give these people what they deserve.

Philosopher's Song (from Monty Python)

2008-12-28T02:28:00.000-08:00

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

LOL. haha. ^_^. intoxication is universal and transcends time and space.

You can say that again Nietzsche.

2008-12-26T00:43:00.000-08:00

“For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable—intoxication.”

—Friedrich Nietzsche

And when he says intoxication, he means booze. Yeah!

Evil!!!

2008-12-24T19:22:00.000-08:00

effing image to... uhmm... make the holiday more.... uhmm.. festive?
Greeting card by Charles Platt, 1994, Found on Jessica Zafra's blog.

Of course, golf course.

2008-12-23T20:09:00.001-08:00

5:20 pm, personal note:
Ironic talaga, first time kong sumimba in 7months, first time kong mag simbang gabi, at yun pa ang huling simbang gabi. Wala namang nangyari masyado, walang kapatawaran, walang ilaw na suminag sakin pagpasok ko nang simbahan at walang sumalubong na kumakantang anghel. Walang kahit ano. Ganun pa din ang ginawa ko sa simbahan, mag isip ng problema at maghanap ng iisiping bagay huwag lamang mapakinggan ang pari sa harap. Maexperience ko lang na magsimba, ok na. Nagsisimba ka naman talaga para sa sarili mo lamang at hindi para kahit kanino, at iba iba ang rason natin kung bakit tayo nagsisimba.

5:23 pm, restate my assumptions:
One. Hindi mo mapaplano ang lahat ng bagay, magkaron ka ng paniniwala sa kaguluhan, yung natural tendency for things to go wrong.
Two. Murphy's law says that if something can go wrong, then it will go wrong.
Three. I say that if something goes wrong you can use it to your advantage, providing it goes wrong enough.

Evidence:
One. Ironic situations na kung saan ang lahat ng simulain ay nangyayari sa katapusan, at ang lahat ng ito ay matagal ko na dapat ginawa.
Two. Mga problema na kung saan matagal na dapat nalutas, at napakadaling lutasin, kung nagkaron lang ng konsepto ng Murphy's Law dati.
Three. What does not kill you makes you stronger -Friedrich Nietzsche.

Hindi ba halata, kapapanood ko lang ng Pi, by Darren Aronofsky. haha.

Of course, golf course.

2008-12-23T20:09:00.000-08:00

spaced out

2008-12-23T17:52:00.000-08:00

meron talagang mga bagay na hindi mo na dapat inaalam.
speechless ako, nabablanko ako, shet.
wow. shet. galing. inom. pota.

Haha

2008-12-22T23:52:00.000-08:00

A friend said to me that she is a down to earth person. Usually face down. LOL

Run.

2008-12-22T03:04:00.000-08:00

your scent lingers in the hallways of my memory your voice it echoes within empty rooms and never goes silent nor fades away and the sorrowful bittersweet yet grand symphonic chorus of regret and repressed memories and emotions it floods once again it threatens to engulf to wash away to fill every empty space in my mind and give it weight your scent your voice it attracts me yet I am haunted by it get away it makes me want to run and run away far far away from everything from but it overwhelms me

all I can do is take you into my arms and suffer from the fleeting happiness you give me

Let's have a reprise, shall we?

2008-12-21T03:03:00.000-08:00

The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.

Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.

What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?

-The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

If weight will hinder me but make me more real then I would do it. Burdens can reassure you of your continuing existence for you know that you still feel, still dragged back by the weight that one have been once accustomed to. Give me a firm point on which to stand and I will move the earth.

Shall I carry you in my arms and dance tonight my love?

Out of time

2008-12-14T02:14:00.000-08:00

Dati, sabi ko importante ang pagtulog ng walong oras araw araw dahil kapag natutulog ka, nagrereconstitute ang katawan mo at most of the time, subconscious ang ginagamit ko kapag ako'y nagsusulat. Pero dahil malapit na ang oras ng aking paglisan, gagamitin ko na ang motto ng isa kong kaibigan: sleep is for the weak.

time=consciousness=preservation=memory=existence

Twilight. Condensed, oversimplified and summarized version

2008-12-11T01:50:00.000-08:00

para sa mga nakabasa at hindi pa nakakabasa ng Twilight. kung bkit ito hit na hit sa maraming tao!

Twilight ( Kanto Version )

Kasi pare ganito daw yun. may isa daw babae na hot daw pare. pero maputla siya kasi hindi siya inalagaan ng nanay niya pare. tapos pare emo daw siya kasi nga daw hindi siya mahal ng mundo at para siyang patay na bata na galit sa mundo. tapos pare, lumipat daw siya ng tirahan kasi daw masyado daw siyang emo para sa luma niyang tirahan. sabi niya sa nanay niya "tangina mo nay gusto ko lumipat kay tay". tangina pare hindi nagalit nanay niya. sabi lang ng nanay niya "tangina mo pare wag ka magmura".

so lumipat siya sa tatay niya di ba? pagkarating niya dun sabi niya, "tangina erpat bakit maulan dito?" sabi ng erpat niya "gago "bur" months na! malamig na tangena". so nagtaka yung babaeng simula ngayon ay tatawagin na lang nating "babaeng maputla at emo".

so pumasok siya sa school di ba? binigyan siya ng truck ng tatay niya pare. sabi ng tatay niya "tangina mo sa'yo na tong truck ko". sabi niya "salamat tay".

pagkarating niyang school tsong, may nakita siyang lalaking mukhang bangkay pero pogi. sakto. pogi pero mukhang bangkay. sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "hot pare".

nung chem lab na ni babaeng maputla at emo, natagpuan niyang lab partner niya yung poging bangkay. so nung tinignan siya nung poging bangaky, ang asim ng mukha nito. mukhang nandiri ata kay babaeng maputla at emo.

sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina KA". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina NIYA oh *tumuro sa teacher nila*". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "oo nga noh. TANGINA MO". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo gago bampira ako". tapos naghubad siya ng damit at kumintab ang katawan niya kasi linagyan niya ng glitters ang abs niya kasi tigas siya at ganun na ang mga tigas ngayon na nagpupuntang emba. Puta pare sarap niyang isanla sa pawnshop feeling ko kikita ako ng malupet sa kanya! Isipin mo shining shimering ang gago!

so anyways pare na in love si babaeng maputla at emo kay poging bangkay. si poging bangkay naman sige lang kasi sex din daw yun. so ayun. angshweet shweet nila. parang:

"eow poh... ahihihihi"

"bebe mwahugz,..... ^^, ilabshooo"

so tapos nun nagpunta sila sa damuhan kasi.... alam mo na. tapos sabi ni poging bangkay "ikaw na buhay ko ngayon" sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina mo gago patay ka na". sabi ni poging bangkay "TANGINA KA".

so basically pare yun lang yung mga importanteng nangyari sa buong storya. intense noh? kaya pala nahhook lahat ng tao.

grabbed from karlo.

Remember

2008-12-08T01:48:00.000-08:00

Nothing can take form without borrowing the likeness of something already inside you.

The Purple Rose of Cairo

2008-11-28T03:56:00.000-08:00

Dahil sa kasakiman ng isang tao, nasayang ang aking pilgrimage sa Cairo upang matagpuan ang pinaka aasam asam kong Purple Rose. Naka full battle gear pa naman ako nun, khaki get-up, me machete sa belt ko, suot ko ang Indiana Jones cap ko at yung invincible hiking boots na padala ni erpat galing Canada. Ngayon alam niyo na ang suot ko, ipagpatuloy natin ang istorya.

Moving on, sa aking pagkakaalam, me hardin naman siya ng mga Purple Roses ngunit binayaan niya itong malanta. At siguro, mga 3 years ago, naging endangered species na ang nasabing bulaklak nang dahil sa kanyang kapabayaan. Tapos you expect me to give way kapag kukunin mo yung rosas na hawak ko na? King-ina mo. Sa mga narinig ko dun sa mga tao sa Cairo at mga nomads ng mga disyerto, hindi mo naman talaga gustong alagaan ang mga Purple Roses. Sadya kasing maarte ang halamang ito, sabi ng mga nomads. Imagine, dapat hinahaluan mo ng multivitamins yung tubig na dinidilig mo sa kanya at tumutubo lang siya sa 100% amazonian soil pero sa temperature lang siya ng Cairo nabubuhay? Leche nga naman.

Pero yung Purple Rose of Cairo na nakita ko, talagang survivor. Sobrang harsh nung conditions pero nabuhay pa din siya. Nilagay ko na nga yung rose sa dala kong special botanical life support system suitcase pero nung napagalaman nung king-inang tao na yun na me dala akong rosas, nag assert siya ng right niya over dun sa rose na yun. Eh putsa, ano bang pakialam mo? Binayaan mo yung rosas tapos ako, naghirap ako, nanggaling pa ako ng Muntinlupa pero kukunin mo lang yung bagay na hinahanap ko ng apat na taon? King ina mo ulit. Gago. Napakadaming beses na din akong nabigo sa paghahanap at ngayon na nakita ko na ang katuparan ng aking mga pangarap kukunin mo ang rosas ko? King ina mo, pangatlong beses na at idadagdag ko pa ang lahat ng murang alam ko. Wala kang karapatan dahil binitawan mo na ang mga rosas at kung kailang hawak ko na at nakalagay na sa aking uber special botanical life support system suitcase kukunin mo ito? Maalagaan mo ba yan? Gago. Sasayangin mo lang ang mga rosas ko.

Pero ang malungkot, hindi ako ang pinili nung mga rosas.
Hindi pala malungkot, sobrang sakit.
Me lason palang dala ang mga tinik ng Purple Rose of Cairo.

So remember this: see this machete of mine? When I learn of your name I'm gonna gut you with my machete and hang you in the highest wall in Cairo and I'm gonna water "your" rose with your blood.
After doing that, I'll make sure you live and destroy not your physical body but your mind, the very core of your being. I'll make sure you roam the streets of Cairo remembering your grand past and realizing everyday that you're just a broken shell of your former self. I wish you live long enough for you to experience an experience just like that you bastard.

The Urban Jungle

2008-11-24T22:13:00.000-08:00

In the Philippines, traffic signs and stoplights are merely suggestions to the Filipino driver.

The streets of Manila is a perfect description of this nation. Democracy rules (everybody gets to do what he/she wants) and life is one big obstacle course where everybody is your opponent (and that driver behind you is your opponent). There are no rules and you use any means necessary to overtake and beat that red light.

Get ready for the true Survivor Philippines: The Urban Jungle

EDSA-Taft traverse

2008-11-22T23:02:00.000-08:00

Umaga, nag jog sa UP diliman. Isang ikot buong UP at isang oval.
Natapos ng 55 minutes.
Unang beses ko ding pumasa sa diag run. As in unang beses. Ever.
Wala akong dalang extra underwear. Basa ang underwear ko. Haha.

Pagkabihis ng semi-formal-slash-probinsiyano outfit, nagtraverse ako galing EDSA patungong Taft, at nagpunta sa lomowalk sa intramuros which is, by the way, sponsored by lomomanila. Wala pang pahinga pahinga yun ha, at basa pa din ang underwear ko. Kung saan saan kami naglakad, at kumuha ng kumuha ng litratong hindi ko alam ang kalalabasan (abangan niyo pala yung set na iyon, naka tatlong rolls at kalahati ata ako).
Enjoy sobra. Kaya lang walang viable candidates (Jay, you know what I mean).
Kaya lang, nakakabasag pala ng tuhod ang pag jog ng parang me artificial knee joints ka tapos dederetso ka sa lomowalk no? I know it, from experience. Haha.

Umuwi ako ng alas singko, pag upo ko sa bus, nalaman kong basa pa din ang underwear ko. Hala.

Happy World Philosophy Day (well, uhm, belated)

2008-11-21T10:23:00.000-08:00

So, with World Philosophy Day upon us, here are some pesky arguments to apply your minds to:

1. SHOULD WE KILL HEALTHY PEOPLE FOR THEIR ORGANS?

Suppose Bill is a healthy man without family or loved ones. Would it be ok painlessly to kill him if his organs would save five people, one of whom needs a heart, another a kidney, and so on? If not, why not?

Consider another case: you and six others are kidnapped, and the kidnapper somehow persuades you that if you shoot dead one of the other hostages, he will set the remaining five free, whereas if you do not, he will shoot all six. (Either way, he'll release you.)

If in this case you should kill one to save five, why not in the previous, organs case? If in this case too you have qualms, consider yet another: you're in the cab of a runaway tram and see five people tied to the track ahead. You have the option of sending the tram on to the track forking off to the left, on which only one person is tied. Surely you should send the tram left, killing one to save five.

But then why not kill Bill?

2. ARE YOU THE SAME PERSON WHO STARTED READING THIS ARTICLE?

Consider a photo of someone you think is you eight years ago. What makes that person you? You might say he she was composed of the same cells as you now. But most of your cells are replaced every seven years. You might instead say you're an organism, a particular human being, and that organisms can survive cell replacement - this oak being the same tree as the sapling I planted last year.

But are you really an entire human being? If surgeons swapped George Bush's brain for yours, surely the Bush look-alike, recovering from the operation in the White House, would be you. Hence it is tempting to say that you are a human brain, not a human being.

But why the brain and not the spleen? Presumably because the brain supports your mental states, eg your hopes, fears, beliefs, values, and memories. But then it looks like it's actually those mental states that count, not the brain supporting them. So the view is that even if the surgeons didn't implant your brain in Bush's skull, but merely scanned it, wiped it, and then imprinted its states on to Bush's pre-wiped brain, the Bush look-alike recovering in the White House would again be you.

But the view faces a problem: what if surgeons imprinted your mental states on two pre-wiped brains: George Bush's and Gordon Brown's? Would you be in the White House or in Downing Street? There's nothing on which to base a sensible choice. Yet one person cannot be in two places at once.

In the end, then, no attempt to make sense of your continued existence over time works. You are not the person who started reading this article.

3. IS THAT REALLY A COMPUTER SCREEN IN FRONT OF YOU?

What reason do you have to believe there's a computer screen in front of you? Presumably that you see it, or seem to. But our senses occasionally mislead us. A straight stick half-submerged in water sometimes look bent; two equally long lines sometimes look different lengths.

But this, you might reply, doesn't show that the senses cannot provide good reasons for beliefs about the world. By analogy, even an imperfect barometer can give you good reason to believe it's about to rain.

Before relying on the barometer, after all, you might independently check it by going outside to see whether it tends to rain when the barometer indicates that it will. You establish that the barometer is right 99% of the time. After that, surely, its readings can be good reasons to believe it will rain.

Perhaps so, but the analogy fails. For you cannot independently check your senses. You cannot jump outside of the experiences they provide to check they're generally reliable. So your senses give you no reason at all to believe that there is a computer screen in front of you."

4. DID YOU REALLY CHOOSE TO READ THIS ARTICLE?

Suppose that Fred existed shortly after the Big Bang. He had unlimited intelligence and memory, and knew all the scientific laws governing the universe and all the properties of every particle that then existed. Thus equipped, billions of years ago, he could have worked out that, eventually, planet Earth would come to exist, that you would too, and that right now you would be reading this article.

After all, even back then he could have worked out all the facts about the location and state of every particle that now exists.

And once those facts are fixed, so is the fact that you are now reading this article. No one's denying you chose to read this. But your choice had causes (certain events in your brain, for example), which in turn had causes, and so on right back to the Big Bang. So your reading this was predictable by Fred long before you existed. Once you came along, it was already far too late for you to do anything about it.

Now, of course, Fred didn't really exist, so he didn't really predict your every move. But the point is: he could have. You might object that modern physics tells us that there is a certain amount of fundamental randomness in the universe, and that this would have upset Fred's predictions. But is this reassuring? Notice that, in ordinary life, it is precisely when people act unpredictably that we sometimes question whether they have acted freely and responsibly. So freewill begins to look incompatible both with causal determination and with randomness. None of us, then, ever do anything freely and responsibly."

IN CONCLUSION

Let me be clear: the point is absolutely not that you or I must bite these bullets. Some philosophers have a taste for bullets; but few would accept all the conclusions above and many would accept none. But the point, when you reject a conclusion, is to diagnose where the argument for it goes wrong.

Doing this in philosophy goes hand-in-hand with the constructive side of our subject, with providing sane, rigorous, and illuminating accounts of central aspects of our existence: freewill, morality, justice, beauty, consciousness, knowledge, truth, meaning, and so on.

Rarely does this allow us to put everything back where we found it. There are some surprises, some bullets that have to be bitten; sometimes it's a matter simply of deciding which. But even when our commonsense conceptions survive more or less intact, understanding is deepened. As TS Eliot once wrote:

"…the end of our exploring,

Will be to arrive where we started,

And know the place for the first time."

~~~~~

Last line calls to mind Nietzsche's eternal recurrence proposition that everything we experience will be repeated for all eternity.

With that knowledge and with what is happening recently, I think I may not like that idea.

And I will carry that dislike for all eternity. Ugh.

Attention

2008-11-20T02:39:00.000-08:00

I have changed my Vivitar UWS' name from Fraulein Heime to Vivitarja Raskolnikov. If you are not a fan of Dostoevsky or you get seizures from reading russian names (some people I know have to be actually sedated) then you can call him Rasky. It was suggested to me by my other camera Nikon N80 who is Hildegaard that changing the name would change it's personality from a budding little girl (fraulein heime translated from herman means little lady or something like that) to a full blown badass engaging in philosophical battles on the morality on killing to make the world better off, the willl to power and why M&Ms do not come in individually wrapped varieties and boxed according to color. It should be noted that both cameras were named after philosophers.

If anyone calls Rasky by his old name Hilde and Rasky will SHOOT you.

Control

2008-11-20T02:21:00.000-08:00

Will you let mere words interfere with your feelings? How dare you. You survived that long and you will let a few words discourage you from continuing on with your life?

You may argue that the person who conceived those words into existence is one of those who are very close to your heart and likewise is in the most suitable location to inflict pain that makes you scream for alcohol and amphetamines. But past is past. Surely, after what had happened last week you took steps to insulate yourself from the pain that you will receive from trying to talk to her that you so vividly described as pounding your head to the wall repeatedly? You must move and make a NEXT (you know ladder theory, you surely know this).

Roll with the punches boy. A rigid body is easier to take down than a relaxed body that adapts to the attacker's strikes. Start from square one and plan each action as systematically and as coldly as possible like what you did almost a month ago. This is more than a game - it's a mix of politics, psychology and hunting and requires detailed scientific knowledge and all of your cunning to survive.

If you factor in your feelings too early, you will surely fail. Become the strategist you once were, and you shall achieve your end.

Pablo Banila is a frigging genius

2008-11-18T01:03:00.000-08:00

NO, he’s not a cyber-stalker. Or a group of psychology students doing a project. Or the government in disguise. Pablo Banila is a real person, but he’s not the crazy lowlife that people thought he was.

When the first Pablo Banila article came out in 2bU two weeks ago, we were swamped with hundreds of letters and blog comments from readers. The sentiments expressed in the mail were varied; they ranged from “Pablo Banila gives me the chills too,” to “He’s a psycho who not only views my Multiply site, but Friendster as well,” to “He’s actually a genius who was just misunderstood.”

Most of the readers were curious about his identity and wanted to know who he was, while a few thought an article about him was a waste of precious newspaper space. “Argh, you gave him more attention!” said a friend, wringing his hands. Another said, “Unbelievable, you made him famous! But in any case, he still gives off bad vibes and he’s still flooding my viewing history page with his gazillion accounts.” A blog reader was more blunt, saying, “Big deal. Slow news day?”

But in either case, Pablo Banila certainly caught your attention—and apparently, the article caught his too, because he e-mailed 2bU to give the real deal on his identity. He had explained his intentions in a UP Multiply blog at http://yoopee.multiply.com/journal/item/4805, but only a handful of internet users knew about it (compared to the millions of sites that he “visited”).

Pablo Banila—Paolo Bantolo in real life—has been called many names in the past couple of months, and a lot of them weren’t too nice. “Creepy” was the first thing that came to mind when Multiply and Friendster users first saw the avatar that showed a guy with matted chin-length hair and a sign that flashed, “Yes, Pablo Banila has a crush on you hahahaha! That’s why he viewed your homepage, cute nun!”

The reactions that the avatar elicited were interesting. Initially, people truly believed that the mysterious Pablo Banila had a crush on them, gender notwithstanding—until they visited his site and realized that they were duped.

“Before I opened up a guestbook, there were three general reactions from three kinds of people,” said Bantolo in an e-mail interview. “First, from the genuinely curious—people asking me if they do know me; in other words, people who did not bother reading my profile, the naked confession of everything I am.”

He added, “[The next were] from the genuinely infatuated—schoolgirls and baby boys telling me that I can be their boyfriend anytime! The rest were people with a sense of humor. Interestingly, most of my most passionate haters honestly believed that I had a crush on them until the grand opening of ‘Pablo Banila’s Never-ending Guestbook Party.’ [Then] they found out it wasn’t only them.”

The truth is, Pablo Banila never really visited every website where his avatar appeared—his bots did. An anonymous reader who identified himself as a retired hacker explained, “Pablo Banila actually is a programmer who uses a program called ‘web crawler.’ Web crawlers were originally used by search engines such as Google and Yahoo to automatically browse web pages on the internet. [This is done so they can] save the data on their database and make an index list of the web pages on the Internet.”

The reader added, “This is all done using a program. A program with a standard DSL connection can browse 10 sites every second, 600 sites every minute and 36,000 sites every hour—roughly 864,000 Multiply sites every day.”

Others who were already in the know admitted that he was a computer genius, if only slightly off his rocker. News that he came from top schools (Bantolo graduated from the Philippine Science High School and went on to study Computer Science at the University of the Philippines Diliman before transferring to New York University; he is currently a graduate student at California Riverside) only fueled the speculations about his being a crazy genius.

Others expressed their admiration and marveled at how he was able to pull off the scheme; others, like Multiply user “emocantbevanity” said, “He’s such a weirdo … why can’t he just get a life or something? Is he that much of a genius, that’s why he became a weirdo? Oh well, moral lesson—don’t be a genius and learn to socialize with other people so you wouldn’t become the country’s biggest weirdo!”

“I never thought of my viewing activity as stalking,” Bantolo said. “It was casual web surfing. What made the difference was my classic welcome message that penetrated the unawareness of the unspoken hope the viewing history promises in an avatar of a Lesbian in Shining Armor. I can honestly say that I wanted to meet new friends, and, ultimately, build a bridge of chance towards my one true love.”

According to Bantolo, he chose Multiply and Friendster “for the high demographic of Filipinos. And because I have not tried making new friends in other networks—but I will! Pretty soon!”

He added, “I wish I could click on millions of headshots for hours in a day, for that would’ve been like playing my favorite game, Counter-Strike; but that’s just impossible in my already inhumane schedule as a working student.”

And as for stalking—as soon as it was established that the only pages “Pablo Banila” visited were the homepages of the sites, which are essentially open to public viewing (as Multiply and Friendster have contacts-only lock options)—his viewing activities can hardly be counted as harassment.

Multiply user “agnestherese” said, “Pablo Banila is hardly a stalker. He only views homepages, not blogs or photos. I think that those who make such a big deal out of it, more specifically all the hate blogs, are self-centered or maybe just hurt when they found out that Pablo Banila has a crush on them … and everyone else.”

“Public domain is public domain,” Bantolo explained. “If they felt harassed in any way, it was because I kept exercising my right to view their public profile.” He further attributed the public’s fear and irritation to his “scarecrow headshot.”

He said, “People read about accusations, libel and death threats against me written on my guestbook. I am hated in exactly the same way other human beings discriminate against blacks, Muslims, and homosexuals.”

Bantolo added, “I performed the same routine using stereotypical images of innocence (young, attractive and female) at the same duration and received virtually no reaction.”

Actually, the entire issue is moot and academic, as “Pablo Banila” has already retired and given up his homepage-viewing days. But many users, unaware of what happened, remained in the dark for the past few weeks. As a final note, Bantolo quoted the California Penal Code’s definition of stalking:

Any person who willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly follows or harasses another person and makes a credible threat with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear for his or her safety is guilty of the crime of stalking.

“Credible threat” means a verbal or written threat, including that performed through the use of an electronic communication device.

He clarified, “I am not making a ‘credible threat’ nor do I intend to ‘place any person in reasonable fear for his or her safety.’”

***taken from inquirer

I actually look up to him. He actually stirred thousands of people into action. His methods did not matter for he got what he wanted - attention and fame.
This tactic is not new, celebrities use it all the time (read: scandals and pointless love affairs). The only exception is that Pablo is a frigging genius. He really is.

Wait, wait!!!

2008-11-14T03:57:00.000-08:00

I'm having visions and seeing shocking parallels of my life to the story of the Phantom of the Opera.

Now, let's indulge in a little game... Who's Christine? Hahahahaha

Now would you please excuse me, I'm drunk and ranting on a cold saturday morning. I'll be receiving your answers tomorrow. If I'm still alive, that is. n_n

btw, it's the last time I'm gonna use that expression. Goodbye.
And I rarely say goodbyes.

For what it's worth

2008-11-14T03:48:00.000-08:00

Eto yung essay na sinulat ko para sa photo competition ng klase. Hindi ata ito napansin ng student body na dumadaan sa third floor ng St. Raymund's building at kung napansin man ito, siguro hindi din nila alam na exhibit yun kasi medyo, uhmm... yung decoration ay parang obstruction dun sa harap. Actually, mukhang palaging in construction yung exhibit kaya di ako pumasok. Tapos na pala, di ko man lang nakita kung ano nangyari dun sa loob. Pinost ko ito para mabasa naman ng iba. Kahit medyo bangag ako nung sinulat ko ito at mas lalong uber bangag ako ngayon habang sinusulat ko ang maikling introduction na ito dahil kagagaling ko lang sa impiyerno, me kaunting katotohanan at kaunting aral ka naman na mapupulot dito.

Btw, sinama ko ang Diyos. Kung hindi lang para sa UST ito uhmm.. never mind. Hindi ko din napigilan ang sarili ko, sinamahan ko ng linya galing sa isa kong paboritong palabas, isang cliche at isang sinabi ni Nietzsche. Enjoy.

***

The global financial crisis was brought upon itself by a number of events, not only by the subprime mortgage crisis and the collapse of the major banks in America. It has been brewing for a long time and the fall of the US stock market generated a tidal wave which rippled through markets in Latin America, Europe and Asia. Mortgages and loans were not paid leading to the downfall of the financial pillars of the US which include Merryl Lynch, Bear Stearns. Even the Lehman Brothers Holdings, which survived the Great Depression in 1929 was not spared. This is the US situation, so what? If the US goes into economic depression, what will it do to us?

It has everything to do with us and will affect us Filipinos, sooner or later. To start, a root of the problem is capitalism’s dependence on the “paper commodity markets” like securities, bonds and stocks. Stockholders suddenly found themselves holding alarmingly depreciating stocks which by the way, spell losses for stockholders. As this paper commodity trading compose a large part of the activities of banks both here and abroad, local banks that have a large exposure or large investments in the US will experience losses, proven by a report that in just 6 days, October 5 to 11, local banks lost P554 billion pesos. Going further, because US is the center of the Philippines’ global economy, local companies who are owned by US companies and have a high exposure to US companies like the export and import industries will suffer decreased economic activity and thus, these industries will experience more layoffs and reduced hiring rates.

If you’re an ordinary office worker and everything is fine now in your company. What will happen to you? Then if you’re working in a call center, beware. Because call centers support mostly foreign companies, the fall in the US economy will reduce their hiring rate and call centers will try to minimize their losses by reducing employees. Filipinos will also experience a decline in foreign remittances because of reduced earnings by OFWs and the reduced economic activity of the United States. Loans will also be more and more difficult to obtain as economic insecurity will give rise to more stringent policies on loan application.

The previous paragraphs are just about the gist of what any normal economics student will tell you. But as thomasian economists, we would go further to elaborate that according to the Associated Press, suicide rates are going up in the US. Fathers killing their families because of bankruptcy and killing themselves afterwards because they have lost a fortune and even some who have killed themselves so that their families could receive insurance money have graced the foreign broadsheets with their tragic stories. The crisis spells disaster for the materialistic. Money has become the center of families that it becomes justifiable to die not because of hunger but because people could not feel the crisp texture of US dollars on their hands and toss in their beds for they are unsure if they will have a job to wake up to tomorrow. This is what is happening to the US. Will it happen to us also?

It will not happen to us if we Christians hold dear the important things and values we have learned. We need to remember that the family is bonded by love, which is an infinitely stronger force than money. We need to remember God and trust Him but not put our trust entirely in the fates; we need to make decisions by ourselves and for ourselves. This crisis will come to pass, as all things in the past have come to pass. Nietzsche said that what does not kill me make me stronger and we will survive and weather this crisis. Remember that there is such a thing as free lunch for the best things, and those that make life worth living, are absolutely free.

Escape velocity, as a figure of speech

2008-11-12T02:41:00.000-08:00

Escape Velocity is the minimum speed an object without propulsion need to have sufficient energy to be able to "escape" from the gravity, so that gravity will never manage to pull it back. To then escape "gravity", you need to travel at a speed of 11.2km/sec. The mass does not affect the speed required to escape gravity but the energy required to propel the object increases proportionally with it's mass.

Here is my formula: to leave reality(gravity), a dream and or aspiration(mass) must be propelled by dedication, strength of will, the will to power and a certain disregard for reality(energy). But as always, reality will always catch up to you. At kapag depressed ako nagtatagalog ako kasi nagii-skip ng sobrang daming beat ang puso ko. Nagkukulang ang supply ng dugo sa utak ko at di ako makapag isip sa english. That piece of info aside, yun nga, naging masyadong malakas ang gravity at pinilit akong hatakin nito pababa. Wala akong nagawa. Mapipilit ko ba namang bitawan ako ng realidad at mapipilit ko ba naman ang isang tao na mayroon nang rock solid determination sa bagay na napili niya (I support your decision. Di ako galit, ok na sakin yung kaalaman na ok ka. Hope everything works out alright for you). Di ako nakatakas sa gravity ng realidad.

Mula sa layo na 9000km mula sa mundo (malapit lapit na ito sa space, kung saan tuluyan mo nang matatakasan ang gravity), ako'y bumagsak. At dahil nagkakaron ng acceleration na 9.8m/sec ang isang falling body, sobrang deep impact talaga. Nagkakaron tuloy ako ng mga mental images ng mga craters sa utak ko. Pero walang makakapansin nung pagbagsak ko dahil palaging internal ang pagsabog ng damdamin ko. Mabuti na din yung deretsahan niyang sinabi. Iyon din ang gusto ko, hindi yung hahawakan ka lang at arm's length at magtataka ka kung bakit di ka na makalapit. Salamat na din, mas magandang bumagsak like a ton of bricks kaysa mag crash and burn ka.

Kulang na ako sa oras. Siguro wala nang mauulit na ganun, at least habang nandito pa ako sa 'pinas. Sa buong apat na taon ko sa UST tila pinaglalaruan ako ng tadhana. Buong apat na taon nilagay ang bagay na pinaka-gusto ko sa likod ng salamin at kung kailan huli nang taon ko sa UST at sa 'pinas, kung kailan akala ko nabasag ko na ang salamin at kukunin ko na ang (eww ayokong banggitin yung L word ang sagwa) saka pa tuluyang tinakpan na ng pader yung salamin. Wala na. ----ngina mo tadhana.

Pinaglalaruan mo ba ako, binibiro mo ako, t--gina ka? Tatawa nalang ako. Wala din naman akong magagawa.

To Dear Patricia

2008-11-11T02:35:00.000-08:00

You always air your problems publicly, preferring to sort out through piles of meaningless words, empty phrases and insensitive rantings of adults acting as four year olds to find the true wisdom and the light the universe is giving you, through one person or another. So regarding that problem, I think that it will be proper to air my advice to you publicly as well.

You will definitely meet again, recent events involving coincidences and accidents which involve you running into him several times a week tells me that. But in this case, where the one you love will be going away to some far off land which sounds Swedish (I think it's at Sweden btw) tells me that you might not be able to meet for some time. But remember this: you will surely meet each other again.

The time will be different, the place may be different and everything about you, my dear Patricia, and him will be definitely change. No matter how strong your resolve to keep him in your heart, events will surely conspire and change it, either for the good or for the bad. You cannot stop living (for if you do you will die) and it is this activity, living, that changes you and the man that I am talking about. I think that you should say to him what you feel about his departure and make adjustments to your life to help you in the coming separation.

But then again, if you love him too much, I strongly suggest that you pack your bags and follow him to the ends of the earth. I feel that he will give you what you deserve without being a lapdog and a doormat (you know what I mean). He will make you happy. That I feel for him. In the time that you should feel depressed and alone, you could always send me a ticket to Sweden. We'll see a concert on some swedish metal band and scream our lungs out. LOL.

Don't worry about me, I'll be fine right here. I'm actually courting someone and she's a really lovely girl. You should meet her one day. Before you leave.

It's such a pity

2008-11-10T02:01:00.000-08:00

Without innocence, the cross is just iron, Hope is just an illusion and Love is just a word.

But alas, the innocent are always the first to perish.

Deadline at ang Financial Crisis

2008-11-03T04:39:00.000-08:00

Naibala ako sa essay para sa klase. Napuyat ako, sobrang short notice tapos busy pa ako. Me social life din naman ako ha! I-post ko daw ito at para daw mabasa ng iba, hindi lang ang mga tao na dumadaan sa elevator ng St. Raymund Building sa November 8. Kahit nga ata sa harap ng elevator sa Nov. 8 walang magbabasa nito. Pero ewan ko lang. Ay, sabi ni Ana wag daw muna, dahil baka mabasa ng ibang section. Ang essay kasi parang baby yan, pinagtatanggol kapag tama at tinuturuan ng tama. And who wants a cloned baby? I-post nalang natin after ng deadline, para masaya.

Ok din namang magsulat ng tungkol sa financial crisis. Ako kasi, kating-kati na akong mag research tungkol sa financial crisis. Buti nalang, naatasan akong magsulat nitong essay na ito. Nalaman ko tuloy na ang ugat ng lahat ay ang naging dependence ng mga businessmen sa "paper commodities" tulad ng stocks, securities at bonds. Para sa hindi nakakaalam nito, ito ay ang mga liquidated assets. In short, pera. Kapag kasi puro paper commodities ang hawak mo, sobrang mabilis magbago ang value nito. Minsan mataas, minsan mababa, depende na sa supply at demand mo.

Ito din ang rason kung bakit naiipon ang kayamanan sa kamay ng iilan. Ito'y dahil kapag madami kang pera, madami kang pambili ng paper commodities. Medyo may kamahalan kasi ang mga ito at sabi ni Sir Sigua, ang 4th year HS teacher ko sa economics, dapat ay mga sobrang pera mo lang ang iniinvest sa stock market dahil risky nga ito.

Eh nagkataong madaming sobrang pera at mahilig sa risk ang mga lokong kapitalistang ito. Kaya madami silang stocks na kumikita ng pera. Tapos siyempre san mo ilalagay yung pera, edi sa bangko. Tapos yung mga bangko, para kumita pa ng maraming maraming pera, inenganyo nila ang mga mahihirap o yung mga, shit, ang cool talaga ng acronym na ito: NINJA (No Incone, No Job, No Assets) na mangutang at kumuha ng mga housing loan. Nalugi ngayon ang mga bangko dahil di nakabayad ang mga NINJAng ito. Hindi nga pala nakabayad yung mga NINJA dahil naipon sa kamay ng iilan ang kayamanan. At dahil nalugi yung mga bangko, nawala ang mga pera ng mga kapitalista. Haha. Sila nagsulat ng sarili nilang kapalaran.

Tinatamad akong mag elaborate, siguro minsan iipunin ko yung mga notes ko galing sa pag gawa ng essay at ilalahad dito. Ayoko din namang kasing mag mukhang komunista, baka bigla nalang akong kumuha ng bandila ng Pinas at iwagayway to sa kalye. Ayoko nun. Olats.

Pastor of Muppets

2008-11-02T01:28:00.000-07:00

Warning: Blasphemous Content

Pastor of Muppets I'm pulling your strings!
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you cant see a thing
Just call my name, `cause Ill hear you scream
Pastor!
Pastor!

A fitting image, don't you think? LOL

But then again...

2008-11-02T00:42:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate those people who speak a lot because they like to hear their voice a lot? In other cases, it can be that they write a lot because they want to read their writing (and the comments that come with it) a lot. It may be devoid of meaning but, it's just a way to satisfy their own ego.

Hey, I'm not saying it's you, it can be me for all you know. n_n

Japanese man petitions to marry comic-book character

2008-11-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

TOKYO (AFP) — A Japanese man has enlisted hundreds of people in a campaign to allow marriages between humans and cartoon characters, saying he feels more at ease in the "two-dimensional world."

Comic books are immensely popular in Japan, with some fictional characters becoming celebrities or even sex symbols. Marriage is meanwhile on the decline as many young Japanese find it difficult to find life partners.

Taichi Takashita launched an online petition aiming for one million signatures to present to the government to establish a law on marriages with cartoon characters.

Within a week he has gathered more than 1,000 signatures through the Internet.

"I am no longer interested in three dimensions. I would even like to become a resident of the two-dimensional world," he wrote.

"However, that seems impossible with present-day technology. Therefore, at the very least, would it be possible to legally authorise marriage with a two-dimensional character?"

Befitting his desire to be two-dimensional, he listed no contact details, making it impossible to reach him for comment to explain if his campaign is serious or tongue-in-cheek.

But some people signing the petition are true believers.

"For a long time I have only been able to fall in love with two-dimensional people and currently I have someone I really love," one person wrote.

"Even if she is fictional, it is still loving someone. I would like to have legal approval for this system at any cost," the person wrote.

Japan only permits marriage between human men and women and gives no legal recognition to same-sex relationships.

Japan's fans of comic books, or "manga," sometimes go to extremes.

Earlier this month, a woman addicted to manga put out an online message seeking to kill her parents for asking her to throw away comic books that filled up three rooms.

Prime Minister Taro Aso is an avid fan of manga and recently complained that he has been too busy to read comic books since taking office.

from: http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5gEnZ28LQeaD-jc33V_19PbvvXRHA

-Woah, this is much too weird for me. O_O

So, it's simple. But is it logical?

2008-10-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

If simplicity borders on stupidity then it's not actually logical to use it as an argument and/or rationale for your actions. You are born with the most complex organic computer that is the product of a thousand years of evolution. Use your brain.

Okay, so I might not be using mine the moment I let those syllables come out of my mouth. But would you accept my reason (or rationalization) that it was everything my puny little mind could conceive at that point in time?

Of course not. It's a very big thing to say, especially coming from someone who periodically hates human company. And you were bursting to proclaim that... uhm... thing days before the said words came out of your mouth. So was it real?
..... Yes I think it is. No, rephrase that to "Yes, it is".

Would you go with it until the end? Which is very near, considering your family's decision to migrate.
..... Yes. Even though the time is short, I will compensate, rather, we will compensate by living as if each day was the last. And as if each one is the last.

By the way, never mind the last three paragraphs, that was the coffee talking... Wait, why are you looking at me like that as if I'm about to say something?
.....
Okay, you win, that was the coffee and my heart talking.

Sorry, but I can only tell you strangers the story, even if you wouldn't understand and/or care.

Nietzsche, on writing equipment

2008-10-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

When Nietzsche started using a typewriter, his prose became tighter and more “telegraphic”. Accordingly, Nietzsche said, “Our writing equipment takes part in the forming of our thoughts.”

That's why I write first in longhand and then type it in the computer. The feel of rough paper, the bleeding of the pen into the paper and the strain that comes with writing too furiously.
I also love my handwriting too much.

Perfection is destructive

2008-10-28T05:26:00.000-07:00

There is in all things a pattern that is part of our universe. It has symmetry, elegance and grace - those qualities you find always in that which the true artist captures. You can find it in the turning of the seasons, in the way sand trails along a ridge, in the branch clusters of a creosote bush or the pattern of it's leaves. We try to copy these patterns in our lives and society, seeking the rhythms, the dances, the forms that comfort. Yet, it is possible to see the peril in finding the ultimate perfection. It is clear that the ultimate pattern contains it's own fixity. In such perfection, all things move toward death.

-The Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib by the Princess Irulan
(From Dune by Frank Herbert)

Notes from the Greenhills Promenade

2008-10-27T06:01:00.000-07:00

1. High School Musical is full of stereotypes. Don't let your children watch it too many times for they might confine their views on what life is or how people think. For the record, I would also like to state that I was... uhm... being.... what's that word? Oh yeah, diplomatic, when I watched this. Btw, bring coffee along if you are very... diplomatic in your movie preferences.

2. Greenhills Center exists on a chasm between two worlds. The world of the bourgeoisie and the middle class separated only by a few meters of concrete roads and walls. It's quite a contrast.

3. The noisiest and most crowded places are always the best places to talk in secret for everyone's minding their own business of listening to what their companions are talking about. You are already having a hard time listening to that guy blabbering to you across the table that you will not be able to hear that guy in the black suit whispering to his friend on how to make a bomb from household materials.

4. The invisible hand principle, put forward by Adam Smith, can also be applied to matters outside economics. It's especially fun seeing the invisible hand work it's wonders on people.

5. Corollarily to the above statement, the laissez faire principle (means leave it alone) can also be applied to real life.

6. Time and, unfortunately as I have realized, money, flies when you're having fun. Ugh, my wallet is on a diet.

7. After watching HSM3, I suddenly have this strong unexplainable desire to learn how to waltz. Please, someone, teach me!

Fear is the mind killer

2008-10-27T05:34:00.000-07:00

Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

-Jessica, in Frank Herbert's Dune

Sarah Palin Debate Flowchart

2008-10-26T03:33:00.000-07:00

Jordan recently posted something about the obama-mccain rivalry for the White House throne. This made me remember something that I stumbled upon in the net while researching about the Palin candidate:

Looks familiar? It's because you were probably hearing it every election here in the Philippines.

Wasak na wasak.

2008-10-26T03:27:00.000-07:00

Ang isang tao ay nagiging makabuluhan ang buhay kapag sila ay nasa kani-kaniyang lugar, kung saan alam nila ang kanilang layunin at responsibilidad. Dito ngayon sa lugar na ito iikot ang buhay ng isang tao at ito ang magiging pundasyon niya sa isang masaya at makahulugang buhay.

Kapag winasak mo ang lugar na iyon, mawawasak din ang tao. Ito ang pinaka malupit na pagsupil sa tao, mas masahol pa sa pagbuklat ng kanyang bungo at ang pagkain ng kanyang utak.

Ewww. Kadiri. Wasak na wasak.

Is Pablo Banila annoying you? I have a simple proposal.

2008-10-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

Ok. You are a female (or even a male) who felt very insecure about a certain Pablo who viewed your homepage because he has a crush on you. He does it at regular intervals and even everyday, establishing his position in your mind as a frigging stalker. You even went to great lengths to make all your posts viewable by contacts only, or worse, changed your site just to evade that... that.... person.

Because many people I know have been complaining, I now have a simple proposal to counter and hopefully shame (if he knows shame) him to the point that he will reconsider his actions and stop his unsettling ways.

I propose that we download his animated GIF headshot and make it as your own headshot. We then view his site as many times as possible and comment on him "who's the bitch now?" repeatedly and until his site crashes.

I predict that he will be very annoyed (let's hope he will be) and stop whatever he is doing to us. However, if he is the attention craving, pathetic and hopeless creep that he is, I think he will be delighted.

God save us all. n_n

ps: any comments and/or suggestions on improving this proposal would very much delight me and his victims. thus, comments and suggestions are very much welcome.

Dirge for Jamis

2008-10-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Do you wrestle with dreams?
Do you contend with shadows?
Do you move in a kind of sleep?
Time has slipped away.
Your life is stolen.
You tarried with trifles,
Victim of your folly.

-Dirge for Jamis on the Funeral Plain, from "The Songs of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan.
(From Dune by Frank Herbert)

Random Observation part 5

2008-10-24T02:24:00.000-07:00

Understanding must move with the process, must join it and flow with it.

Obama-McCain rivalry fans

2008-10-24T02:17:00.000-07:00

I got this from a friend and it captures the gist of their battle tactics.
Wait for it to load, as it is a GIF image.

Graves and Photographs

2008-10-23T03:45:00.000-07:00

There are things in life that change drastically
Men and women, adults and children
there are people whose fathers have changed twice
People that were living, eventually turn into graves and photographs.
Shapes that were once visible suddenly disappear. Shapes within the heart also change.
They fade, and in the end, disappear.

However, before things that one thinks will always be the same change, it might be that it just ended.
will I change? Will I be able to change?
I soon realized that I can't find the answer to this by thinking about it.
Things in life will all eventually end
People's feelings end.

But life might be all about repeating things over and over.
But I want to keep all things that will eventually change or disappear for now.
For that reason, I got a camera.

despair

2008-10-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

everything goes downhill from here.

hello despair, my old friend.

Oct. 18 2008: Notes from Cinemanila

2008-10-19T04:39:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... I was supposed to watch a film with my friend here at Gateway but unfortunately, the universe conspired against me and made him unavailable at that hour so... I'm alone. Incidentally, the film I was going to watch was Evangelion 1.0: You are (not) alone. How ironic. Actually I have seen this before on my pc (thanks to the torrent leviathan, piratebay) but the experience of watching a film on a theater (and sharing that experience with other moviegoers) is always different so I went.

I arrived an hour and a half before the screening because I arrived early (I had alloted two hours travel time as I didn't actually know where in cubao is gateway, but it was just around the block) and I have this insane compulsion of arriving at least an hour before my... uhmm... engagements, well, at least those that matter for me. Ironically, I hate waiting. So I waited... And waited...

Standing around and doing nothing always makes me observe the most interesting subjects on earth: humans. I noted the following things:
- People's dependence on cell phones had escalated to the point that gone were the timeswhere you talk to someone on the phone, set a specific time and place to meet and expect the person you would meet at the said place at the exact time. Nowadays you would have to contact the person continuously on the matter of his/her whereabouts, especially those with morning sickness and those with a severe case of indecisiveness. It's sad. But I would like to stress this fact: I am not saying that majority of people have a habit of being late (or not coming at all), it's just that there are people like this.
- Likewise, people had become addicted to personal music devices and they will walk around with earphones (or worse, headphones) jammed into their ears, bumping into people and not hearing car horns until it is too late. Haha, I just realized, I am one of these people. I use it to shut the world out. What's your reason? n_n
- If you stare at people from above (as I did from the 4th floor of Gateway) then you would realize that all these people walking around in circles below you look like ants. I imagine God, looking at us from heaven laughing at how miserable and futile our lives are and eventually stepping on us, to smite our pitiful lives. Haha. Now I'm the cynic.

Ooops, I have to wrap this up, as I also have this insane compulsion to be inside the theater 20 minutes before the show starts.

iBlade

2008-10-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

The new iBlade. Perfect for listening to emo shit like My Chemical Romance, and slitting your wrists! ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!.

Friendship's labor's lost

2008-10-15T05:41:00.000-07:00

We weren't good friends because we can tell each other anything.
It's because when someone doesn't want to answer, we don't ask questions,
and when someone wants an answer, we don't stay quiet.

That's why we're friends.

I use TECHNIQUE to take you out

2008-10-05T02:43:00.000-07:00

Taking superior angling, taking superior movement and leverage to break one's joints, to paralyze the arm, use manipulation of joints, to break necks, break legs, break shoulders, joint locks, joint manipulation, nerve strikes, so therefore I dont have to use strength anymore, I use technique to take you out.

Uncyclopedia, on flogging a dead horse

2008-09-30T06:13:00.000-07:00

When a horse strays from the path of the righteous into the lovely fresh grassy fields of crime, nothing is going to bring it back, not even a lump of sugar or the threat of a firing squad

stop the world I wanna get off

2008-09-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

the past few days have been so fast paced. I'm even surprised that I don't even have the time to feel tired as things have been dropping on me from nowhere and cluttering my schedule with them.
first, the bataan trip. I barely noticed it.
the next day - monday, a connection was made. the next few hours, it was broken. just like that.
along came tuesday, where I saw something that was never meant for my eyes. I came to know something that not for me, something that was best left unknown for it will result me and her great discomfort. and this is not a scandal. haha (*expressionless laugh).
this night, I tried to repair a relationship from last year.
hopefully it will go well.
I feel so... methodical. I can't feel emotions anymore and been doing everything with clear cut precision. It has a rigid destination which is what I've always hated.
It's too technical and lacks personality.
am I losing my personality?

goodbye and forever hello

2008-09-21T03:48:00.000-07:00

I said goodbye to a place I held dear for almost a year a few hours ago. The magnitude of this event came like an afterthought, for I was anticipating my next destination, and that I think that destination held more promise than the place I was leaving behind. As I walked away from that place, I recalled everything that had happened between me and it's inhabitants and took into mind everything that has contributed to my resolve never to see that place again. Even though we parted in good spirits, I just never wanted to go back to that place again. It's a sincere.... farewell.

On my way I spotted an ice cream shop. I bought the most expensive single serve ice cream I could find.
and I don't even like ice cream.

Film is dead... NOT

2008-09-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

http://theonlinephotographer.blogspot.com/2007/03/film-is-dead.html
read. READ.

The Coolidge Effect.

2008-09-11T02:43:00.000-07:00

Coolidge effect

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In biology and psychology, the term Coolidge effect describes a phenomenon – seen in nearly every species in which it has been tested – whereby males show continuously high sexual performance given the introduction of new receptive females. The sex difference that the effect refers to is explained by Bateman's principle.

Origin of the term

The term comes from an old joke, according to which President Calvin Coolidge and his wife allegedly visited a poultry farm. During the tour, Mrs. Coolidge inquired of the farmer how his farm managed to produce so many fertile eggs with such a small number of roosters. The farmer proudly explained that his roosters performed their duty dozens of times each day.

"Perhaps you could point that out to Mr. Coolidge," pointedly replied the First Lady.

The President, overhearing the remark, asked the farmer, "Does each rooster service the same hen each time?"

"No," replied the farmer, "there are many hens for each rooster."

"Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge," replied the President.

Empirical evidence

The original experiments with rats followed this protocol: A male rat would be placed into an enclosed large box with four or five female rats in estrus. He would immediately begin mating with all of the female rats repeatedly until eventually exhausted. Although the females would continue nudging and licking him to continue, he would not respond. However, if a novel female were introduced to the box, he would become alert and find the ability to mate once again with the new female. This phenomenon is not limited to Rattus norvegicus. It is attributed to an increase in dopamine levels and its subsequent effect upon the limbic system.

While the Coolidge effect is usually seen demonstrated by males – that is, males displaying renewed excitement with a novel female – Lester and Gorzalka developed a model to determine whether or not the Coolidge effect also occurs in females. Their experiment, which used hamsters instead of rats, found that it does occur in lesser degrees in females.

(Apparently this too happens in the human male population. I've seen it and experiencing it right now. haha. n_n sourced from wikipedia.org)

goodbye my child

2008-09-11T01:45:00.000-07:00

I'm tired playing around with you.

After this semester, let's not meet again, shall we?

I'll get on with my life and face it alone again.

The High Priestess

2008-09-04T01:59:00.000-07:00

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluctuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

ugh. I'm a female?

Requiem for a Dream

2008-09-04T00:08:00.000-07:00

Four hours has passed since watching Requiem for a Dream by Darren Aronofsky and still, I get shivers when I think about where their addictions had led them. This film is all about addictions and portrays it in it's most popular medium: drugs. Be it cocaine, meth, speed, heroin, chocolate, food, sex or love, addictions are destructive, at least that's what the films says. The film also deals with the delusions we face and what happens when we overtake reality and repair to our delusions of grandeur - reality will catch up pretty soon and there's gonna be a hard and sickening fall for you.

Okay, we are past the theme. Now, onwards to the delivery.

...

...

I cant write a proper review. I get the shivers. All I can say is that watching this film forces you to delve into the deepest and darkest emotions of man. What they will do to achieve something. How low they can go to satisfy their addictions.
The last 30 minutes of the film was too harrowing and forced me to look away but yet I am compelled to know what happens to them and how they will turn out. Darren takes you down the path of their own self destruction and when retribution comes along, makes you cringe at what had become of them. Eventually, they will again return to their dreamworld, for their reality is so unreal that it surpasses the darkest, most pitiful and obscene fantasies the human mind can imagine. Watching Requiem for a Dream is quite an experience. It evokes visceral emotions, emotions you never know could exist.

I don't know why but after I watched Requiem for a Dream, I had the strange urge to go out and smoke two cigarretes in each hand.

Massive hangover

2008-08-29T15:19:00.000-07:00

Today, in the year of our Lord 2008,
Kelvin was called from the cares of the world.
He stopped crying at the end of each beautiful day.
The stories he wrote had too long been without silence.

He was found naked and dead,
With a smile in his face, a pen and 1000 pages of erased text.

(knock on wood)

You should try this

2008-08-27T04:01:00.000-07:00

Feigning mental imbalance, mental incapacities and suicidal tendencies is a perfect and sure-fire way to excuse yourself from those tricky, embarrasing and those other uncomfortable situations.

You could also use it on your professors, if you're good enough.

Listen

2008-08-26T03:45:00.000-07:00

"Your beauty is like that if a wildflower in a barren field"

I overheard an acquaintance toss off the following line to his girl-friend (a female friend, not a lover). A day after I overheard this line, he told me it's translation:

"Ikaw lang ang available, maganda ka na din, kaysa sa wala.
You'll just have to make do."

That sly bastard. n_n

Age disparity in sexual relationships

2008-08-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

The "half-your-age-plus-seven" rule

Graph of the "Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven" Rule

The "half-your-age-plus-seven rule" is one rule of thumb defining a mathematical formula to judge whether the age difference in an intimate relationship is socially acceptable Mathematically speaking, the rule is:

25% either way rule

An alternative to the "Half plus Seven" Rule listed above, there is also a less well known rule - 25% either way.
Therefore, if a male is 24, he is allowed to target females between 18 and 30.
If a male is 40, he is socially allowed to go for females between 30 and 50.

(found this in wikipedia. a very interesting read)

Field Report, August 4 to August 9

2008-08-09T03:04:00.000-07:00

The Kino Escalade is a powerful tool. Find out what it is, and use it.
kept Kino short but frequent. As things escalated, lessen the frequency, but start getting more intimate/intense.
Started using it last monday and so far it has produced the most amusing results.

Will report additional details later

Shut up you overrated doormat

2008-08-05T04:41:00.000-07:00

"This also typically involves the man buying her gifts, giving her rides to places, voluntarily taking the short end of the stick at every occasion, and basically being a doormat, in order to prove that he is "a good guy," but generally it translates to the woman as "weak." Then when he eventually comes forward with his feelings towards her, known as a ladder jump, it typically takes the woman by surprise and she rejects his offer." -Ladder Theory

I observe this in a lot of guys. Where's your spine you bastards.

Where do I start?

2008-08-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

1. Loss of motivation
2. Unavoidable, uhmm... circumstances
3. Alcoholism
4. Education vs very promising job opportunity
5. Relational problems with... uhm.... yeah. her.
6. Asthma and possible lung defect
7. Growing dread for the unknown
8. Degenerating ties
9. Creative exhaustion
10. A broken friendship
11. Thesis. ugh.
12. Growing apathy for the outside world

Now comes the 13th problem: from where do I start solving these?
There seems to be a cycle in these events for some seem to be correlated with each other. Unless I find the root of all these misfortunes, I will continue being the bastard that I swore that I would never become all these years. I am desperate, comments are welcome.

Personality Type (nainggit kay ronald)

2008-07-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

Dreamy Idealist (DI)

(Just visiting? Take the free personality test and determine your iPersonic type!)

Dreamy Idealists are very cautious and therefore often appear shy and reserved to others. They share their rich emotional life and their passionate convictions with very few people. But one would be very much mistaken to judge them to be cool and reserved. They have a pronounced inner system of values and clear, honourable principles for which they are willing to sacrifice a great deal. Joan of Arc or Sir Galahad would have been good examples of this personality type. Dreamy Idealists are always at great pains to improve the world. They can be very considerate towards others and do a lot to support them and stand up for them. They are interested in their fellow beings, attentive and generous towards them. Once their enthusiasm for an issue or person is aroused, they can become tireless fighters.

For Dreamy Idealists, practical things are not really so important. They only busy themselves with mundane everyday demands when absolutely necessary. They tend to live according to the motto “the genius controls the chaos” - which is normally the case so that they often have a very successful academic career. They are less interested in details; they prefer to look at something as a whole. This means that they still have a good overview even when things start to become hectic. However, as a result, it can occasionally happen that Dreamy Idealists overlook something important. As they are very peace-loving, they tend not to openly show their dissatisfaction or annoyance but to bottle it up. Assertiveness is not one of their strong points; they hate conflicts and competition. Dreamy Idealists prefer to motivate others with their amicable and enthusiastic nature. Whoever has them as superior will never have to complain about not being given enough praise.

As at work, Dreamy Idealists are helpful and loyal friends and partners, persons of integrity. Obligations are absolutely sacred to them. The feelings of others are important to them and they love making other people happy. They are satisfied with just a small circle of friends; their need for social contact is not very marked as they also need a lot of time to themselves. Superfluous small talk is not their thing. If one wishes to be friends with them or have a relationship with them, one would have to share their world of thought and be willing to participate in profound discussions. If you manage that you will be rewarded with an exceptionally intensive, rich partnership. Due to their high demands on themselves and others, this personality type tends however to sometimes overload the relationship with romantic and idealistic ideas to such an extent that the partner feels overtaxed or inferior. Dreamy Idealists do not fall in love head over heels but when they do fall in love they want this to be a great, eternal love.

Adjectives which describe your type

introverted, theoretical, emotional, spontaneous, idealistic, dreamy, effusive, pleasant, reserved, friendly, passionate, loyal, perfectionist, helpful, creative, composed, curious, obstinate, with integrity, willing to make sacrifices, romantic, cautious, shy, peace-loving, vulnerable, sensitive, communicative, imaginative

post-impression storytelling

2008-07-17T05:05:00.000-07:00

I was ready to meet her head on but she simply wouldn’t respond. All she did was sidestep, sidestep and sidestep the issue once more.

But it doesn’t matter, in her current state, she’ll be okay. Even if she refuses to meet me up front, she’ll be fine. As long as she learns to show what she really feels, I’ll trust her.

In my current state, I’m fine. As long as I achieve a state of perfect stasis and refuse to accept anything but bliss in everyday chaos, I will again bury that nagging feeling that has plaguing me for 6 years now in the deep pit of the foundations I’m building for my self.

Don’t worry about me Miss L, you’ll be fine with him. Even if nothing changes between you two, you will reach an unspoken agreement of the feelings between you that you have managed to keep from each other, even if it is ridiculously obvious.

And as usual I'll be fine by myself.

united nations girl

2008-07-15T05:22:00.000-07:00

dalawa ang quiz bukas at hindi ako nagbuklat ng notes.
dahil sa lintik na united nations girl na ito.
di ko namalayan, isang oras na pala ang lumipas
panuorin niyo din siya.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=DqYh6XyEZM0

leche.

ano ka ngayon?

2008-07-14T05:31:00.000-07:00

akala ko ba magbabakasyon ka?
(talking to self)

Cinemalaya 2008 Schedules

2008-07-09T19:31:00.000-07:00

The Cinemalaya 2008 Competition Films

FULL-LENGTH

100 by Chris Martinez is about a stern, uptight and exacting woman with a terminal illness who tries to accomplish a list of 100 things to do before she dies. Her tasks vary from the simple to the complicated, from the practical to the mundane, from the ordinary to the extraordinary. In the process, she accepts the truth that even if death is something personal, dying never is.

12 July/Sat, 12:45PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

15 July/Tue, 6:15PM (GALA), Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

17 July/Thu, 3:30PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

17 July/Thu, 9:00PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

19 July/Sat, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

19 July/Sat, 9:00PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

BABY ANGELO by Joel Ruiz and Abi Aquino centers on an investigation that ensues when an aborted fetus is found in the dumpster of a run-down apartment complex. The lives of the tenants—a reclusive old man with curious ramblings, a landlord with overzealous thirst for justice and a young couple whose past threatens to unravel their marriage—are suddenly exposed in the hunt for the perpetrator of the baby's death.

12 July/Sat, 6:15PM,Tanghalang Huseng Batute

13 July/Sun, 3:30PM,Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

15 July/Tue, 9:00PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

17 July/Thu, 9:00PM (GALA), Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

18 July/Fri, 12:45PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

18 July/Fri, 6:15PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

BOSES (VOICES) by Ellen Ongkeko-Marfil is the story of a musician, who regains back his humanity by giving violin lessons to a child of the slums. In turn, the child, through the instrument, is able to get back his voice from a muted, abused and desensitized existence. This is a story of a friendship founded on the sublime beauty of music.

13 July/Sun, 12:45PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

13 July/Sun, 3:30PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

16 July/Wed, 6:15PM (GALA), Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

18 July/Fri, 12:45PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

18 July/Fri, 9:00PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

19 July/Sat, 9:00PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

BRUTUS by Tara Illenberger tells the tale of two Mangyan children, hired by illegal loggers to smuggle wood from the mountains of Mindoro, as they embark on a dangerous journey to deliver the goods to the lowlands. In the process, they discover a world run by the greed of men, a world governed by ideologies that bring about the armed conflict that plague the Mindoro highlands, the home of their own people.

13 July/Sun, 9:00PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

15 July/Tue, 9:00PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

16 July/Wed, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

18 July/Fri, 9:00PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

19 July/Sat, 6:15PM (GALA), Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

20 July/Sun, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

CONCERTO by Paul Alexander Morales is about how, in the last part of World War II, a special piano concert is held in the forests of Davao. In these boondocks, a displaced Filipino family becomes acquainted with a group of Japanese officers, similarly camped nearby. Based on true stories from the director's family, Concerto celebrates a family whose reverence for life, expressed through their love of music and friendship, can survive even war, and shows how beauty and compassion can grow in even the harshest of situations.

12 July/Sat, 9:00PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

15 July/Tue, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

16 July/Wed, 9:00PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

17 July/Thu, 9:00PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

18 July/Fri, 9:00PM (GALA), Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

19 July/Sat, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

HULING PASADA (FINAL STOP) by Paul Sta. Ana follows the creative process of Ruby, a prolific writer, abandoned wife and protective mother. She writes about Mario, a taxi driver and father figure to a street child. As she tries to resolve Mario's story, she seeks refuge in her own creative output and the line between reality and fiction is blurred. Mario's past becomes entangled with her own inevitable future.

12 July/Sat, 9:00PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

13 July/Sun, 6:15PM (GALA), Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

15 July/Tue, 6:15PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

18 July/Fri, 12:45PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

18 July/Fri, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

19 July/Sat, 3:30PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

JAY by Francis Xavier E. Pasion is the name of the two protagonists in the film, one is living, the other dead. The living Jay is producing a documentary of the dead Jay, a gay teacher who was brutally killed. As Jay recreates and examines the life of his subject, his own life is affected when he unravels his subject's hidden life and secret love.

12 July/Sat, 6:15PM (GALA), Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

13 July/Sun, 9:00PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

16 July/Wed, 3:30PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

17 July/Thu, 12:45PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

17 July/Thu, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

19 July/Sat, 3:30PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

MY FAKE AMERICAN ACCENT by Onnah Valera and Ned Trespeces is a slice-of-life workplace comedy following the lives of technical support call center agents in the span of six months. Speaking with a fake American accent is a prerequisite for the job. This ensemble comedy is an inside look into the maddening, sleep-deprived, caffeine-fuelled lives of those who ply their trade in the call center industry.

13 July/Sun, 9:00PM (GALA), Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

13 July/Sun, 6:15PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

15 July/Tue, 3:30PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

18 July/Fri, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

18 July/Fri, 6:15PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute 20 July/Sun, 12:45PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

NAMETS by Emilio “Jay” Abello is a colorful celebration of food as well as love, and the love of food above all, which is central to being Negrosanon and being Filipino. It follows the flirtation between Jacko and Cassie, two Negrenses who grew up in Bacolod, and whose lives revolve around food. The film will be shot on location in Negros Occidental and will be primarily in Hiligaynon, the language spoken in that region.

13 July/Sun, 3:30PM (GALA), Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

15 July/Tue, 6:15PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

16 July/Wed, 9:00PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

18 July/Fri, 3:30PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

18 July/Fri, 6:15PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

19 July/Sat, 12:45PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

RANCHERO by Michael Christian Cardoz is the story of convicts who serve a special role inside the jail - they prepare the meals everyday. But in a jail where some inmates see no reason to continue living, what is the role of food? Is the food's role to extend life or to prolong the pain of those who don't want to live?

12 July/Sat, 6:15PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

12 July/Sat, 9:00PM (GALA), Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

16 July/Wed, 6:15PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

17 July/Thu, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

17 July/Thu, 6:15PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

19 July/Sat, 12:45PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

SHORTS

Cinemalaya 2008 Shorts Programme A:

ANDONG by Rommel "Milo" Tolentino is a story about a six-year old boy's obsession, family dynamics, and the real value of a hard-fought twenty pesos.

ANG IBANG MGA PAMILYA (THE OTHER FAMILY) by Joel P. Ruiz is about a woman who overcomes the grief of losing her adopted son.

ANGAN-ANGAN (DREAMS) by Sheron R. Dayoc centers on a mute nine-year-old girl named Satra, whose determination to secure a good education reverberates clearly amid the strictness of her Yakan culture. The Yakan are one of the 13 Moro groups in the Philippines. They mainly reside in Basilan, Mindanao.

DIAMANTE SA LANGIT (DIAMOND IN THE SKY) by Vic Acedillo, Jr is about two brothers' journey to compete in a kite flying contest. But getting there takes some time. In the end, they face something unexpected and discover something more precious than winning.

GOD ONLY KNOWS by Mark V. Reyes focuses on the disturbing and gut wrenching tale about the realities of life in the sprawling metropolis of Manila.

12 July/Sat, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

13 July/Sun, 6:15PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

16 July/Wed, 9:00PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

17 July/Thu, 6:15PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

17 July/Thu12:45PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

20 July/Sun, 12:45PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

Cinemalaya 2008 Shorts Programme B:

HULING BIKTIMA (THE LAST VICTIM) by Vitaliano A. Rave is a film noir style about a detective's last minutes.

MY PET by Anna G. Bigornia is a 7-minute animation about an 8-year-old girl and her relationship with her first pet, a chick, the subject of a class experiment.

PANGGARIS by Dexter B. Cayanes is about a prostitute whose life changed when her mute sibling learned to talk, uttering only the word "panggaris."

TRAILS OF WATER by Sheron R. Dayoc is an experimental film about a young boy's emotion as seen through his make-believe story.

TUTOS (COST) by L.A. Yamsuan tells about the dynamics and complexities of a single father-daughter relationship in a postmodern patriarchal Filipino society.

12 July/Sat, 3:30PM, Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theatre)

15 July/Tue, 9:00PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

16 July/Wed, 6:15PM, Tanghalang Huseng Batute

17 July/Thu, 6:15PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

19 July/Sat, 12:45PM, Tanghalang Nicanor Aberlardo (CCP Main Theatre)

20 July/Sun, 3:30PM, Bulwangang Alagad Ng Sining (CCP MKP Hall)

Tickets at P100 each, with 50% discount for students. For more ticket info and block sales inquiry, please call CCP Box Office at 832 1125 local 1406.

* For the complete Cinemalaya 2008 line-up, visit http://www.culturalcenter.gov.ph/CINEMALAYA08skeds.pdf

LGT

2008-07-08T06:07:00.000-07:00

This time Mr. Yokoyama, I'm gonna destroy YOU.

The root of all evil

2008-07-08T04:33:00.000-07:00

Usually, we blame the root of an event, the first mover that put things into movement.

But is this really reasonable? Shouldn’t we blame the process, the transformations that a thing went through to achieve such end?

Why do we put so much emphasis on the roots, on the pioneers, on the beginnings? If we put it commonsensically (ugh, mr beliasis speaking here), are the ingredients really more important than the cooking process?

Dusty paper and dark shelves

2008-06-30T03:00:00.000-07:00

So annoying.

A few hours ago I lost control again and bought a book even if my book tower and to-read-list is piling up at home. You should see my book tower, it’s about waist high and it’s the ultimate example of equality: all books, no matter how new, how old, how expensive are all sandwiched between each other in an expression of complete conformity with their owner. There is no discrimination in that pile. All of them are gathering dust, waiting to be covered in contact paper and read by me.

Anyway, back to my newly purchased book, wouldn’t you do the same if you saw a Dostoevsky marked down to P330? I was shocked, as in totally shocked. As majority of that shop’s customers prefer Coontz, King, Clancy, Grisham and other popular authors, I really think that the book Crime and Punishment was waiting for me to pick it up and brush away the dust, slowly inspecting it’s cover. It was waiting for me to turn it’s pages slowly, inspecting him for any damage then to tuck him under my arm and slowly make my way over to the counter. Yeah, it really happened that way. Seriously.

There were many good titles there, along with some more classics like Dickens and Homer and you wouldn’t think that inside that dark dreary shop (I will not reveal the name of the shop, you might descend down there in droves nyahahaha) you would find such treasures. You would think that I’m wasting my money, forsaking precious allowance for books but it’s my vice. I’ve given up smoking and alcohol as my vices and devote my money to more…. Uhmm… “worthwhile” things (Miss E you know what I mean haha).

So now, my reading list expands to Murakami, Chandler, Clarke, Eco, Kafka, Dick, Herbert, Golding, Palahniuk, MacLeod and the latest addition, Dostoevsky. Now you are asking: “How will he read those, with all the school things he have to do?” My answer: I don’t know. I’ll manage, hopefully.

God is dead

2008-06-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

The statement “Gott ist tot/God is dead” does not mean the physical destruction or the ideological death of God but it simply means that when one gives up Christian morals, one also gives up the Christian ideology and in that effect, one “kills” god.

Even if one still believes in the existence of the Christian god, one can still kill god.

-Kelvin, on Nietzsche

Bluntly, like a sledgehammer

2008-06-16T04:24:00.000-07:00

Imagine this situation: a woman around 40 years of age who looks like your average cigarette vendor gets on the bus you are currently in and when the conductor goes around collecting the fare, the woman then looks straight into the conductor’s face and flatly tells him that she has no money. Upon hearing this, the conductor threatens the woman that she get off the bus already (the bus is currently humming along the SLEX) but this turns out to be an empty threat as the woman is left alone. A kind hearted office woman gives cigarette vendor woman money for the fare but she merely pocketed it and did not pay.

If you really took the time to imagine this scene then you would’ve gotten a rough idea on what I have seen a few days ago. Now that we’ve taken up this topic, what problem do we see here guys?

The problem here is that the poor, oh sorry gotta be politically correct here, the marginalized, seem to think that their situation, poverty, grants them special privileges. They seem to think they can get away with everything just because they are poor. They appeal to the people’s pity and do illegal things, saying that it was brought upon by inescapable circumstances and should have been done.

Ok, so you’ve proven your point. You are poor. You have no money. You have to be pitied. But do you have to wear this on your sleeve and do nothing about it? Are you contented with your situation and think that because of this situation you are in, you have the right to live on other people’s money? Yes, you could receive help from more fortunate persons but it’s only for alleviation of your suffering. Holding out your hand and begging for alms is not enough. You have to do something for yourself and get out of poverty. Poverty does not grant you special privileges but special responsibilities.

You might think that I’ve no pity for them at all but let’s use our cold, hard logic. Make a list (or if you want it could be a mental list) of the nuisances you would have to put up with because of them. Think of all the news reports about the marginalized (make sure to include here pollution, thievery, riots and vote buying). I did this and putting it bluntly, I concluded that they’re an eyesore and they do all sorts of things that we would have to put up with. A good example is the system loss charge that MERALCO charges, included here are stolen electricity by jumper wires all over the country. And who uses jumper wires? The marginalized people.

But please, don’t interpret my message in any other way that I want you to interpret it. I don’t hate the poor. Sure, they’re an eyesore but some of them are really struggling for their lives and deserve to be commended at the highest pedestals but think about those rotten poor, those people who don’t care and think they can do anything just because they are poor. They have always lived with the idea that they should be pitied and this must change. They are not to be looked down upon and be looked as persons of equal footing with everybody. They must be given the same opportunities and benefits as everybody, and with the same punishments that everybody gets when they commit illegal acts.

But hey, something just hit me on the head; think about it, if there are rotten poor there are also the rotten rich. And they are worse for they have the money and occupy the highest seats in the land, not only in the government but in the business sectors too. Either end of the spectrum you are on, rich or poor, your status must not grant you special privileges but special responsibilities.

(When the author wrote this he was in a terrible mood. He did not wish to show this to anybody because this would make him seem heartless and cold but he really is an affectionate person. Actually he loves coffee, photographs and his mother very much. That piece of useless information aside, he posted this only because he wanted you to read this. He just felt like playing the devil’s advocate today. But don’t get him wrong, he thinks highly of these people. It’s rotten rich people he hates. Haha.)

some people never change

2008-06-13T03:07:00.000-07:00

It was the first time I sat through a whole class again in my block and damn, it's still the same.

The people (although some never came back from vacation, haha), the atmosphere and of course, can I forget the noise? It's like returning from a construction site where a hundred jackhammers were operating at the same time and you get this annoying ringing in the ears. The only difference in class is that the ringing never stops. Even though you close your eyes and imagine nirvana with the object of your desire, the noise eventually will break through your fantasy and park his/her annoying ass there, refusing to budge. Depressing, but that's the way it is.

Maybe it's because I came back bearing a different perspective on things, spending half the vacation looking through Hildegaard’s (my slr) viewfinder and reading extensively on the subject of… uhmmm…. social dynamics. But even if you view some people from a different perspective, nothing new arises (imagine viewing a smooth sphere from all sides and you will get what I mean). Blame simplicity. Blame everything that has put simplicity, pattern and lack of preference (which makes it easier to force choices upon people) on a pedestal and proclaimed it best, that proclaimed it suitable for everybody and should be followed. Blame capitalism. Because simplicity makes people easier to predict, simplicity sells.

But I won’t give up. Maybe at some perspectives the people will change and while waiting for that to happen I’ll be watching from my imaginary nirvana with my bethroted

Ah, vacation

2008-06-11T03:27:00.000-07:00

Finally, natapos din ang vacation. Sobrang pagod, ang daming hassle sa sched.
Nag subok akong mag apply at pumasok sa OJT ngunit di ko tinuloy, kumuha ng tutor job (well that makes me Han-eul from my tutor friend, kasi tutor ako at kaibigan mo ako. di mo gets to kung di ka koreanovela geek), nagtimpla ng kape (ako din ang umiinom nito), nagpunta sa kung saan saan, sumama kung kani-kanino at nag engage sa aking mga trivial pursuits.
Puro deadline, work, gala and other shite that I would and must call as socializing.
Ang daming activities, to the highest heavens. As in.

At dahil pasukan na ulit, the real vacation can now begin.
Finally.

all emos assemble

2008-06-03T03:28:00.000-07:00

laro daw kayo ng agawan blade sabi ni Rodgie. ang mananalo ay magkakaron ng giant gillette blade courtesy of aprille.

do us a favor and kill yourselves already. haha. ^_^

no offense for casual emos, this is for extremist emos. peace. haha
(making the peace sign with his fingers while running to the nearest bomb shelter)

Life in the Philippines is a very long Kafka novel

2008-06-03T03:04:00.000-07:00

Naalala ko yung post nung isa kong kaibigan, sabi niya ay di raw makatarungan ang pagpapaalis sa mga illegal residents o mga squatter sa riles ng tren doon sa me Makati. Di naman ako makapalag, dahil may punto nga siya. Ngunit tingnan nga natin, bakit nga ba sila nandoon?

Maaring inakala nila na nandito sa Maynila ang pag-asa at karangyaan. Oo, maari nga, lalo na kapag mahilig kang manood ng lumang palabas sa sine, lahat sila sinasabi na ang pag-asa ay nasa Maynila. Ngunit wala na sa Maynila ang pag-asa. Ito ay nasa ibang bansa na.

Nako, nag-digress nanaman ako. Kapag bumalik tayo sa orihinal na paksa ay makikita natin na isa pang rason ay di developed ang mga rural area ng ating mahal na bansa *dies*. Maaring naiingit sila o kaya gusto nila na makamit ang de-kalidad na edukasyon.

Pero, that is simply beside the point. Wala tayong pakialam sa rason nila kung bakit sila nandito sa Maynila. Dapat ba andun sila sa gilid ng riles ng tren in the first place? Dapat ba silang magtiis sa pamumuhay ng siksikan? Dapat ba silang magbukas pa ng radio tuwing magtatalik sila (oo, nangyayari to) para lamang maitago ang kanilang hiya at puri? Reklamo sila ng reklamo ngunit wala naman silang magawa para sa sarili nila. Sarili nilang kamay ang sumulat sa kapalaran nila.

Minsan na kong nag-offer ng solusyon sa problema nila. Tanggalin ang Maynila bilang sentro ng lahat ng bagay at ilipat ito sa mga lungsod sa probinsiya tulad ng Lucena, Davao, Cebu etc etc. Pagandahin ang mga rural areas ng ‘Pinas at ilipat ang studio ng ABS-CBN sa liblib na lugar. Kung hindi puede, kahit ‘yung studio lang ng Wowowee. Leche kasi si Willie (joke lang willie. Alam mo namang sinungaling ako). Pero kahit ano man ang maisip ko (o nang kahit na sino siguro!), wala na sigurong mas gaganda pa sa paborito kong solusyon na narinig ko kay Themiton. Kapag naging presidente daw siya, ipapapatay niya daw lahat ng nasa ilalim ng poverty line. Mamamatay din naman daw sila. Maganda nga naman kasi it’s killing two birds with one stone. Yung bird ng mga mahihirap at bird ng population problem ng ‘Pinas.

Akyatin na rin natin ang bundok ng “in the first place” na problema ng ‘Pinas. Isa na rito ay ang mga pulis natin. Ang galing diba? Napapabalita na yung mga tapat at di nangongotong na pulis ngayon. Pero in the first place, dapat ba silang gumagawa nun? Diba dapat naman ay tapat ang mga pulis? Kaya it’s nothing to be proud of kung isa kang matapat na pulis. Ginagawa mo lang ang trabaho mo. Bakit mo kelangan ng award? Ah, oo. Kasi kokonti nalang kayo.

Eto pa. Yung mga taxi driver na nagbabalik ng pera o kaya gamit na naiwan ng mga pasahero. Kadalasan ay tuwang tuwa ang mga may-ari ng mga nawawalang gamit na ito diba? At ang laking isyu kapag may taxi driver na nagbalik ng gamit. Sa ‘Pinas lang ganyan kasi sa ibang bansa, lalo na sa Japan, regular na balita (o minsan di pa sinasama sa balita) kapag may nagbabalik ng mga gamit na naiwan o nalaglag sa kalsada. Ito ay dahil madaming matapat na tao doon o madalas na nangyayari ang mga bagay na iyon. Ewan ko lang kung bakit napakalaking isyu sa ‘Pinas ang bagay na iyan. Hindi ba tama lamang na magbalik ng bagay na hindi iyo? Bakit ka pupurihin sa paggawa ng mga bagay na dapat mo naman talagang ginagawa?

Madami pa ang mga ito kaya lang di pa sila sumasagi sa ulo ko. Pero wow, sobrang surreal ng mahal kong ‘Pinas. Nagtataka nga ako, baka nandito nagiintersect ang dalawang horizontal planes ng isang dimension na mas kakaiba kaysa sa atin kaya madaming nangyayari na kababalaghan dito. O kaya nagkaroon ng punit sa dimensional fabric at nagkaroon ng interdimensional space warp (sorry, my imagination is on overderive) na ginagawang lagusan ng mga tiga-ibang mundo para obserbahan ang ugali at mundo ng mga tao. Come to think of it, tsismoso ang mga pinoy diba? At madami sa atin ang baliw (oo isa ako doon)? Hindi siguro malayo sa katotohanan na ang iba sa atin ay tiga ibang planeta. O tiga ibang dimensiyon. Lahat kasi ay maaring mangyari sa ‘Pinas. Lahat posible. Pero hindi lang naman mga kakaibang bagay ang possible dito. Posible din ang mga magagandang bagay dito na hindi maaring mangyari sa ibang mga lugar sa mundo.

Sabi nga ni Jessica Zafra, what other nations call “magical realism” we Filipinos call “reality”. Ganito na siguro talaga ang realidad sa mahal kong ‘Pinas. Parang pantasya na fairy tale na minsan isang horror movie.

Pero kahit anong mangyari, mahal ko ito. Bilang Pilipino, magiging boring ang pamumuhay sa ibang bansa dahil compared to the Philippines it’s more lively, more colorful, more riotous, more chaotic, lovelier, more romantic and very much more surreal here at home. Mahal ko itong dimensiyon na ito!

Drunken conversations: an exerpt

2008-05-30T03:09:00.000-07:00

"Kung kapitbahay mo si Fe at kapitbahay mo din si Fe, tatlo lang ang maaring maging posibilidad. Maaring corner lot ang bahay ni Fe, iisang street tayong dalawa, pare, at sa parehong bahay tayo nakatira. Anong gusto mo 'pre?"

Tiningnan ko yung dalawa. Salita ng salita yung isa habang yung isa ay nakatulala sa hangin.
Walang patutunguhan ang usapang iyon, tulad ng sulating ito.
Ngunit tulad ng sulating ito, di natin maitatanggi na merong punto ang lasenggo.

Ponder this

2008-05-29T03:33:00.000-07:00

People say that sleep is a simulation of death for when we sleep, our metabolism slows down, and we become unaware of everything and just become fixed to one spot (which is a bed, chair, floor street or wherever you sleep dear reader). Nothing is done and we achieve a state of near-stasis.

When we sleep we dream right? Therefore drawing upon the fact that sleep is the simulation of death, does it follow that when we die, the afterlife is the situation the dream simulates?

If dreams then are the product of psychological needs and wants, those desires and the repressed emotions of the mind and body, will it be correct to assume that the afterlife fulfills the needs and wants, those desires and repressed emotions of the human soul for in death, the body and the mind no longer exists and we are left only with our souls?

(These statements assume that the afterlife and the human soul exists. We wish to remind and clarify these assumptions in order for the reader to make a sound, if not, acceptable conclusion.)

Sleepless nights and coffee overdose. Free will? No. Circumstance.

2008-05-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

Free will, in morality, is seen as the expression of the freedom of man. This was always the case for me but on that dark dreary afternoon while I was reading Nietzsche I was hit by an idea. Free will gives not freedom but bonds man to a different purpose and ironically gives man responsibility.

First let me explain a related concept: option paralysis. This is the case in which an individual, given a wide range of choices becomes paralyzed and becomes unable to act. The individual then cannot make a choice until a “rallying point” becomes apparent and the individual goes with that said rallying point. The problem in this system has surfaced hasn’t it? The rallying point. Therefore, to become an autonomous individual, one has got to have a perfect, if not, functioning moral mechanism.

That aside, we go back to free will and ask why it gives responsibility. Free will gives the individual a free rein on whatever actions he wants to make. But there is still the issue of right and wrong, of good and bad which is inherent in every human being because he/she is a rational being. The ideas of good and bad, right and wrong can be collectively known as a person’s moral mechanisms. Thus, free will dictates that man must act according to his moral mechanisms.

Free will, in instilling a sense of right and wrong in the individual, helps keep the society running properly as each person has responsibility in his own actions and can be punished because he himself made that wrong act without putting the blame on things other than his own will. This then gives the society, the government, the establishment or whatever name you want to call it, the right to hand out punishments which restrict the expression of the individual.

From the previous statements, it can be said that free will was invented because it’s inventors wanted the right to punish and by doing so, they created the social device called guilt.

Men were considered free so that they can be judged and punished – so they might become guilty. Consequently, every act must be considered willed so that every act lies within the consciousness of man.

Man has no one to blame but himself.

You are not alone

2008-05-26T04:13:00.000-07:00

I am 12 years old again as I opened the avi rip of Evangelion: You are not alone and this triggered a wave of nostalgia on how my obsession towards this psychological mecha anime had led the way towards whatever thing I am obsessed right now (I change obsessions every few weeks) and put itself in a definitive spot in my life.

Call me an otaku but Neon Genesis Evangelion marked my initiation to the world of Freud, cabbalism, classical music, j-pop (ugh), suicidal tendencies and mental imbalances I often feign as an excuse for various things.

As a mecha anime, Evangelion had dipped into many other areas such as occult, psychology, Judeo-Christian religion and psychoanalysis. These, thrown with the twisted reasoning of Hideaki Anno (the series’ director) results in a wicked mélange of mindgames in which you try to figure out what the characters are thinking and where the plot is leading you into. This is what makes it unique, as Evangelion, 10 years ago, aspired to revive the stagnating genre of mecha anime. This mélange, however, led me to formulate my own theories on the perfection and stagnation of man, along with my current view on religion.

I don’t know why, but what I am writing sounds entirely disconnected, as if the paragraphs are not melding together in my hands. But even if they were not, the words spilling to the ground which refused to come together at my hands will water the soil and recycle themselves as new words as time comes to pass. In other words, I am just looking for a quick way to finish this because I can’t wait to resume watching that deeply disturbed movie, Evangelion: You are not alone.

ewan ko lang ha...

2008-05-22T03:14:00.000-07:00

di ko alam kung bakit pero tuwing makakakita ako ng alternating caps na paragraph parang aatakihin ako ng epilepsy. gusto kong magwala.

pero ewan ko lang ha...